How do you forgive someone?
No seriously. Explain this to me. I can't forgive myself for wtf I've done in my past and yet somehow, some people can just forgive themselves and act as though nothing has ever happened.
It baffles me at how fucking ignorant he is about this whole thing. And he just keeps going like nothing's ever happened. I'm fucking sick and tired of suffering because of him. I could be saving soo much more money right now. I should be concentrating on my future. Instead here I am wondering if my mum has enough money and whether the family will be fine. I hate was happened and I just needed a space to rant. Thank god I have here to do it.
I hate how it's affecting Rachel and sometimes I feel it affects us as well. Fuck. And I know I should do the right thing by always being there for her but sometimes I guess I just have the fucked up need to selfish. I guess a leopard really never changes its spots. I'm the same fucker that I was before and nothing has or ever will change.
Maybe it's not his fault. Maybe everything happens for a reason. Maybe it's just life letting me know that hey, you're a jackass so I'm being one to.
On a different note, I readied my stuff to for Uni Admissions. Doubt I'll get it with the way things are going now but hey, at least you can give me credit for trying. Or more like I'm giving myself credit for trying. Whatever, you get what I mean.
Well I've got a People Development lecture to attend tomorrow. Good luck with that. Night.
