I feel I'm losing myself. I feel that I have soo much on my mind that I wanna just stop it all and take time off from it all. I'm tired of being unable to not live up to the expectations of others, but my own.
I've changed. There's no doubt about that. But instead of thrive with it, I'm deteriorating. I'm burning away to the shell of who I used to be.
I'm just fuckin' disappointed with myself. I don't get how I was soo motivated last year, doing soo much more last year and still being able to get it all done. This year? I'm just wasting away, tired all the time and simply motivated on something else.
Ah, it's just a stupid night. I got my files deleted totally due to my carelessness. I'm simply treating my superiors like my friggin' peers and I don't feel that I did anything substantial this year except waste ALOT of money.
That's another thing. I'm taking cabs like no fuckin tomorrow. I think I need a slap to wake up and stop the nonsense. I'm supposed to be focused on the more important things in life. And I'm supposed to be saving all this money for that. I need to stop thinking everything is gonna work out for me and put more effort into it.
I guess I just gotta hope it's not too late.
