That dark place.

Fuck the place that I'm in now. I want control. I want control of myself and I want it back now.

I also badly want someone to hold my hand and hold me and tell me everything's alright. I want somebody to love.

But I don't think I'm meant for it. I honestly don't. The more that times passes by, the more I feel I deserve to be where I'm at right now. Hell, I'm only 24 and it feels like I'm writing the letter of someone who's about to commit suicide.

Yeah so I said it. I'm in a dark place right now. All of us have been there. And all of us find ways to deal with it. I feel like I don't wanna put this on anybody so I'm putting this out there. To feel like I'm heard. To feel that someone cares. To feel that I matter.

Don't give me the lecture that I give everyone else who says exactly what I just said. I'm just not in the place to even listen. But please know that I do appreciate all the thoughts and advice but seriously, for now, just save it.

I'm in a dark place and I want to get out but I don't know how. It's like I'm drowning but it never ends. I never die. I just keep choking and trying to come up for air only to get sucked back in again.

Let her go.

Let her go - Passenger

We both lost a part of ourselves today. Happy Birthday Rachel. Happy 22nd. I truly only wish the best for you. 

On my end? I wish for the best too but hey, we all know that's not enough right? 

Remind me again what I did for my birthday? Oh well, hopefully I won't release that I love her when I let her go.