Halt, high kneel, look how far you've come.

Wild Ones - Flo-Rida ft. Sia

Woah. Again I've waited waaay too long to update but I'll do what I can to recollect everything that has happened since January.

First off, I'm part of this amazing travel club called World Ventures which I hope to allow me to make some passive income. It's a dream but I'm doing what I can to make it fly. Well not yet but eventually I will. For now, I need to concentrate on my first exams for my degree. Damn son. I haven't even hit the books yet and it's like 2 weeks to my paper. And trust me, there's a HELL LOT to cover. I hope I somehow manage to will myself to get down to studying or else I'll pretty much be wasting all my hard earned money.

Well I must say that I've had a few accomplishments that I can record down to the year 2012. I did pretty well in my performance ranking so I must thank my superiors for that. I mean, I did screw up by mess around with the system and also by literally screwing p tasks that were handed down to me but overall I think I did pretty alright. I'm just glad that in my first year with my workplace that my efforts have been recognised and this is a pretty good start. I also managed to top on of the knowledge tests given to us every year. Shocking but very true! I did study for it but I honestly did not expect to top it. Maybe lady luck's on my side. =)

Me and Rach are doing fine. I'm soo proud of the fact that she the top student of her course in ITE and though she says it's not a big deal, to me it is. I mean, I sacrificed quite a bit and made sure she never had to work so she only had to concentrate in her studies and this came about. It just makes it all worth it you know.

Now that I've gotten a chance to look back, I've come to realise that the first quarter of 2012 hasn't been too bad. Let's see how the next quarter sets up. Also realised that this post has nothing reflective. Do they all have to be? Sometimes just a recap's enough to help me out. =)

P.s, Katy Perry in a Marines' uniform is CRRAZZZZZZZZZZZYYYYYYYYYY HOT. I just HAD to say that. Hahaha!

Happy New Year.

Titanium - David Guetta Feat. Sia

Happy New Year to one and all. Yep, we made it to 2012 and all I'm saying is that this year, I wanna drink less, make more of myself and not die. Well hey, if it is the end of the world then I guess I won't be able to fulfill my last resolution.

Raise your glass for all that happened in 2011 and drink fast because 2012 is gonna be crazy. =)

Lazy Bitch.

Hangover - Taio Cruz

I wanna partay. All the fuckin time and I think it's crazy but the feeling is waaay too good to pass up. Oh god I think I was born to party. My nickname? The Golden Retriever. HAHAHHAHA! I'm definitely gonna be laughing to myself when I read this back. Ah the times.

Well I spent my off day doing completely NOTHING. And it was TORTURE. No seriously. I felt like a useless and worthless pile of trash. It was insane la tell you. Think I'm still at that age where I don't wanna laze around and waste my day. The sleep was good, don't get me wrong. LOL!

Well at least I got the chance to play Vista and that was pretty awesome. Was there early and saw some kids kickin' about and there in one team were brothers. The other were two friends but it was when the brothers that stole my attention. The way they were communicating, passing and arguing who should be doing what. The passion. I miss that. Once upon a time, there was a brother's cup that was coveted by Vik, muhes, my brother and I. Those were simpler times. When everything was a about was was better in soccer and nothing else mattered. And whatever happened, we always remained close.

What happened to that? Sometimes it makes me feel that maturing is more like hating than anything else. I ever had problems with making friends in primary and secondary school but things have changed soo much now. I get pissed and I just do whatever I want.

I want to say that I don't like who I am now but I only have myself to blame for who I am. Fuck.

Just a thought.

100 years - Five for Fighting

Its that moment. Yes, when you're staring into blank space and you just begin to think about all you've done till now. C'mon, don't lie to yourself, you know you've had it. Be it once or twice or countless times, you know what I'm talking about.

Weirdly enough, I must say this is quite a fitting song to be listening to. Heh! Well well, here I am in the States. Never thought I'd actually get here for free but hey, I'm not complaining. Though next time, I'd like to be here to take a real holiday. And hopefully it'll be with my baby girl. That'll be nice. No worries about where I am with her. No complains. Except that I miss her too much. In fact I worry I maybe a little dependent her. More than I'd like but know her, it's exactly what she wants. Rachel's like that. She's pure and the only thing she wants is to make me happy. I know it. Best part? She doesn't go out of her way. I know that sounds stupid but when you think about it, it's those extravagant notions of love that makes one partner feel out of place. Simply because to reciprocate would be impossible. That was she does for me. She makes me feel that I meant to be there, beside her, always.

She is the best thing that's happened to me till now. Of that I'm sure. =)

On other aspects, I'm a little disappointed. But I think out of that I've learnt a very painful truth. My friends still can't seem to agree with each other and it's caused problems between them. This means that my family's split. I can't believe I'm saying it but I'm done. I'm too tired. And as much as I hate it to admit it, I tried everything and failed. Social media has triumphed once again. Not has it rocked the world wide web as we know it but it's also cause my family to split. I believe a lot of this could be avoided without social media. Nothing would change their personalities but I feel that social media hastened the split.

And the lesson I've learnt? Just like how ordinary families see parent separate, kids leave the home and relatives unable to agree with other, I guess I must deal with the fact that my perfect family will no longer be one solid structure.

How is this going to affect our lives is something I have to leave to fate. I tried my best but with the number of times this has occured, I know it's out of my hands. As ridiculous as it sounds, all I can do is HOPE for things to be fine.

Argh, I hate this. 15 days till I'm home.

Hell yeah!! I think..

piped music from mac's at northpoint.

well well. the day's finally come when i making my way to the states. hell, i never thought i'd be doing it soo soon and alone but wth.. i'm heading there for free!!

honestly, i'm scared but soo freakin excited at the same time. i also hate the fact that i gotta leave her and my loved ones for a whole month for for a chance to see the states, i think the sacrifice is worth it:) damn, the states. finally!!:)

do forgive me for the annoying feeling you're getting for my lack of capitalising the letter that should be. my phone's being retarded as usual.

Messed Up

The frustration I have is selfish, shallow and sickens me to my stomach. But... I cannot ignore it.

I hate this part right here.

Oh gawd damn.

Fireball - Dev

Woah. Been ages since I last wrote ey. Maaan. And with no surprise, I have no fuckin idea where I should start. Hmmmm..

Well actually, now that I think about it, I should be an NSman by now but hey, no regrets. My 1 year anniversary just passed as an officer and I'm still loving everyday of it. I mean, I'm doing a hell lot of extras but as I said before, I knew what I was getting myself into when I did what I did and I feel that as long as I think positively, I know I'll make it through this just fine. Thank god for all those super vigilant Armskote ICs that saved my ass countless of times. Heh!

Well, on the note of positivity, I'm honestly happy where I am in life and how much has changed with the situation of my friends and everything else la. I mean everything is good but there's still something that eating at me. Dev. I feel like he's crumbling and I'm not there for him. Work isn't helping because now is insane crunch time and there's like too much to freaking do and think about la. It's annoying but that's just how it is. I hate complaining but I guess besides my friends, this is my only outlet. I want to make things better for him but he being who he is isn't trying to listen at all. And I know what he's going through at work is not helping at all. Damn. I wish I can say I understand him but honestly, I can't.

Today I told one of my men, who is also a good friend, something that even surprised me. I told him that I'd rather solve other people's problems rather than my own. He said it's a good thing because it means I put others before myself. I disagreed and said no, I'm no angel nor am I am trying to make myself one. I just feel like it's much easier to involve myself in other people's issues to make it seem as though I have none of my own. Ignorance is bliss? I'd like to be politically correct but honestly, I have no solid opinion.

Rest.

I'm up, you sleep.

I wanna head to bed you say you wanna study and then head to bed.

NICE.

Rejected.

Never gonna leave this bed - Maroon 5

First the extras and now mum calls me to say that SMU has sent the letter saying that I've been rejected but hey, they do wish me the best for my future. Two smacks in a month. Yes, MY BIRTHDAY MONTH.

What future do I have if I don't get my ass into a Uni you tell me. FUCK.

But I must admit, I have been prepping myself to receive this because no matter what, I knew I didn't make the cut but I did whatever I could less a recommendation from my CO. Still, not even an interview? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

I guess it's down to plan B now. Part time Uni-SIM. Now all I need is the window to do my night classes. Probably need to start to talking to people about that. Annoying that I can't talk about work here but hey, what needs to be done must be done. It's ok though. I have avenues I can resort to for this.

Listening to some people, I'm soo close to getting a loan to get me into a private Uni here to just simply get my pay grade up. That might be another choice but I reckon I should talk to the people at my place to where it's recognised. Sekali get the fucking degree and they're like, sorry but your pay grade's gonna stay the same. Then, I'll truly be fucked.

Wish me luck. Though sometimes, I feel I need more than that.

21.

Top of the World - The Cataracs

Fucked up. Got 21 for my staying out but I'm ok with it. Felt that somehow, someway, I did what I set out to do and I pray she feels it to. I know I did what was right because there's no way anyone would give me what I, what we needed, unless I told them everything which is something I'd never contemplate doing. Period.

Besides that, stuff at work is good and that's probably the most I can say. LOL! Rachel's been an angel and she's doing pretty good in school. I managed to get everything I've wanted so far but there's much much more to work for. So case in point, I can't stop pushing myself. Gotta work out for BAC and hit the books for my undergraduate program thingy. Sounds lie uni entry but I promise you, it isn't. LOL! It's only 8 weeks long thing but apparently it's pretty awesome.

Kinda sinking in that I'm probably not gonna get the call from SMU. I mean, I honestly felt I did my best but you know, results are results. I fucked up in Poly and I guess I'm paying for it now. But c'mon, you know me, I've got a plan B. It's pretty crazy and gonna take me sometime but I'm going to do it. Yep, part-time degree. I mean it ain't easy and it sure as hell isn't full fledged but I'm gonna go ahead and work that option out if SMU doesn't call. I can't afford to waste anymore time. Every year wasted is a year my life goals get pushed back.

Marrying her and crossed my mind countless times this week and yes, it's waaaaay before I got caught for staying out. Well, I didn't ACTUALLY got caught. But hey, who's keeping score right? Back to it, I want our wedding to be kickass. And I want the proposal to be kickass too. She deserves it. And so do I. Shocking that I'm selfish? I know of a couple of people that wouldn't be.