Why you gotta be so rude.

So it feels like the broken record going over and over again.

Maybe I will just have to cave in and decide that it would be impossible to ever get what I want.

Maybe this is my reason to just stop being who I am and to learn to be someone who need to see things in a different light altogether.

Ah fuck.

There, I said it

I said it and she said it back. Honestly, it felt like a dream. It really really did. She look beautiful and as I stared into her eyes I couldn't hold it back any longer.

It felt unreal to hear her say it. I'm actually still in denial.

I know deep inside that she isn't ready but who really is when it comes to love. We're just gonna take the leap and see how it goes from there.

Let's just hope she'd like to meet me half way.

Plan?

I don't know why, but tonight I feel lost. I feel my heart's missing something. My life's missing something.

Like it's something I've grown very comfortable to and I want it back.

I'm afraid of what it is. I'm afraid I want to go back to comfortable times. I know I was contented. I know I was focused. I know I had everything planned. But I also know that it led to no good in the end.

It begs me to wonder what life has in store for me whether there's even a plan at all.

Those 3 words.

I am constantly tempted to say them. There are soo many junctures I would've just let it all out but I know she's not ready.

Hell. Am I even ready? I mean I knowhow feel that way but am I in a place where I know I can be the person I want to be for her?

I don't know. All I do know is that she makes me happy and this is not something I'm gonna let go easily.

Ended off the semester on a HIGH!

Walk on by - Noosa

So I did pretty good! 4 Bs!! 2 plusses and 2 minuses but hey, in my books it's still pretty good!!

That has helped my GPA quite a bit and I'm really happy =)

Things with Rachelyn have been amazing. We've had those conversations which have got us thinking about us but overall, I know that the feelings which have washed over me with regards to her have been nothing short of bliss.

I'm not happy with my body but the break in for next semester will give me sometime to actually start exercising and try for Gold again. It would be quite an achievement for me to get it and put it back on my the sleeve of my uniform. Hate how it hasn't been there for the past two years. Pretty damn annoying.

So somehow I've been toying with the idea of leaving Singapore more and more as time goes by. Don't get me wrong, life is still pretty good but, there's just something about the conversations I have been having which have been pushing me towards that idea. Maybe I should get down to some serious researching on whether it is a viable option for me if and when I decide to leave the force.

Something to ponder about...

Waaaay Post Birthday.

London Grammar- Strong

Birthday was good. Quite a few surprises and hey, honestly one of the best birthdays I've had. Just enough time to spend with all those important people in my life :) I'd say that's just about right. Heh.

Disappointed myself a week later at a beach party but I'm working on it. I know I'm trying. I tried that night but obviously not hard enough. Must remember to eat. Can't keep going to these sessions without any food. I mean I obviously don't wanna give up drinking completely. But at the same I can't keep being irresponsible. And it's hard to find the balance because I just don't know where that damn line is.

Fuckin hell.

Someone I know had to put her pet down and I can't stop thinking about Nikki whether she's with Jakes. I've yet to dream of her and.. I don't know. It just doesn't feel.. right. I know that's weird and that I've been away from Nikki for soo long but.. Oh well..

I pray for those who have lost a loved one, any being that loved one may be, for the strength to pull through it. They're in a better place where they're smiling, happy and well taken care of. It may or may not be true but having thoughts of them happy makes it a little easier to deal with their absence.

There's a lot to be thankful for. Let's try to make sure we prevent the regret we now feel when we all eventually, yeah.

Pre Birthday 2014

Yep, that pretty much sums it up.

Besides the fact that I was Butter and DID NOT reach autopilot. Yes I say again, DID NOT! Hahaha!

More coming up later on and tomorrow! =)

Cheers!

Calm down Silly Boy

Today's the one month mark of getting to know her. It's been amazing and all I can say is that she still constantly blows me away.

I keep telling myself that this too quick. How can I be feeling this way at this stage? Its not suppose to happen this quickly. Or is it? Is this a bad thing? I don't know. Waaaay too many questions, never ever a straightforward answer. And you know how much I hate things I cannot rationalize. This is not rationale. Not one bit. But one thing is for sure, I know how I feel about her. And it's unmistakable. Question now is, where do I go from here.

I hate ignoring my emotions and there's soo much I wanna say but obviously I have to hold back. IT'S ONLY BEEN ONE MONTH NIGEL. WTF!!!

Ok ok chill. Calm down that racing heart of yours silly boy. Yeah, that's what she'd say :)

Comfort.

Latch - Disclosure

Had an amazing conversation. In fact we've been having quite a few and she pretty much has me totally hanging onto every word.

Yes, it's a pretty good feeling and I'm glad about the timing it happened. Yeah, well we're taking it a step at a time but right now, it's at a good place and I have no intentions of messing it up.

In other news, last paper. Lets just do it and get it over with. Plan is to work out like an idiot after this is all done so I won't have to look at the mirror and squirm. Also to stop allowing Tash to call me fatty. Haha! Yes, it's a TOTALLY legit reason :)))

Wish me luck! :)

Farewell Nikki.

Angel - Sam's Version

Today we bid someone who I know I've not been there for a long time. Nikki girl, I apologise I didn't say yes earlier. I apologise for not being there when you needed someone. Most of all, I'm sorry I couldn't prevent your early departure from this world.

You were indeed a beautiful creature. Misunderstood most times. I will never forget spending all those times lying down and speaking to you while you were under the bed. It was beautiful. You taught me that how to bring myself down any level to make someone feel better.

Thank you for all the smiles and joys you brought into this world even though you were here for such a short while. There is some comfort in knowing that you're up there with Jakey boy. He probably misses you a whole lot.

Take care darling.