Lash out.

I'm tired.

"Don't take it too seriously."

Seriously mum. Seriously!? I can't begin to explain the amount of anger and frustration I feel now. How does what my mum say like half the time even make sense to me. Or to anyone else for that matter. It doesn't. And the way she goes about saying things is on a level that even I cannot comprehend.

I'm afraid that her priorities lie somewhere where I'm not going to be happy.

It's fucked up for a son to say that but the more I listen to her reasons, the more I feel that the only person she's thinking about is herself. I've only been wanting to do what I think is right. And for very good reason, I feel that I'm failing miserably. My dad's starting to lose his weight on her opinions as well and I think he's just gonna step aside and see how this plays out.

Time.

That's something I've not been given. And it's not something that anyone's willing to give at this moment because what they want is change. Change that will make them feel at ease. Change that will put a smile on their face without holding back anything because there is no baggage to hold them back. Change is not going to come if you don't give it time. And even if there was change, nothing can erase what has happened. NOTHING.

Probably I feel so strongly about it because the event is recent. The feelings are still fresh in mind. If that's the case then fine, give me time and maybe, just maybe things might be different. But let me warn you, maybe is weak. It's a word that comes with no promise and commitment. It's simply a hope. And with what I've been through, I'm done with hope. So I'd advice you do the same.

I personally feel I've been abusing this blog. I write when I want to. I leave you on hiatus for god knows how long. And when things are shit again, I'm back here. Maybe I'm only acting the way I've been treated. Yep, it's that word again, maybe.