Rest.

I'm up, you sleep.

I wanna head to bed you say you wanna study and then head to bed.

NICE.

Rejected.

Never gonna leave this bed - Maroon 5

First the extras and now mum calls me to say that SMU has sent the letter saying that I've been rejected but hey, they do wish me the best for my future. Two smacks in a month. Yes, MY BIRTHDAY MONTH.

What future do I have if I don't get my ass into a Uni you tell me. FUCK.

But I must admit, I have been prepping myself to receive this because no matter what, I knew I didn't make the cut but I did whatever I could less a recommendation from my CO. Still, not even an interview? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

I guess it's down to plan B now. Part time Uni-SIM. Now all I need is the window to do my night classes. Probably need to start to talking to people about that. Annoying that I can't talk about work here but hey, what needs to be done must be done. It's ok though. I have avenues I can resort to for this.

Listening to some people, I'm soo close to getting a loan to get me into a private Uni here to just simply get my pay grade up. That might be another choice but I reckon I should talk to the people at my place to where it's recognised. Sekali get the fucking degree and they're like, sorry but your pay grade's gonna stay the same. Then, I'll truly be fucked.

Wish me luck. Though sometimes, I feel I need more than that.

21.

Top of the World - The Cataracs

Fucked up. Got 21 for my staying out but I'm ok with it. Felt that somehow, someway, I did what I set out to do and I pray she feels it to. I know I did what was right because there's no way anyone would give me what I, what we needed, unless I told them everything which is something I'd never contemplate doing. Period.

Besides that, stuff at work is good and that's probably the most I can say. LOL! Rachel's been an angel and she's doing pretty good in school. I managed to get everything I've wanted so far but there's much much more to work for. So case in point, I can't stop pushing myself. Gotta work out for BAC and hit the books for my undergraduate program thingy. Sounds lie uni entry but I promise you, it isn't. LOL! It's only 8 weeks long thing but apparently it's pretty awesome.

Kinda sinking in that I'm probably not gonna get the call from SMU. I mean, I honestly felt I did my best but you know, results are results. I fucked up in Poly and I guess I'm paying for it now. But c'mon, you know me, I've got a plan B. It's pretty crazy and gonna take me sometime but I'm going to do it. Yep, part-time degree. I mean it ain't easy and it sure as hell isn't full fledged but I'm gonna go ahead and work that option out if SMU doesn't call. I can't afford to waste anymore time. Every year wasted is a year my life goals get pushed back.

Marrying her and crossed my mind countless times this week and yes, it's waaaaay before I got caught for staying out. Well, I didn't ACTUALLY got caught. But hey, who's keeping score right? Back to it, I want our wedding to be kickass. And I want the proposal to be kickass too. She deserves it. And so do I. Shocking that I'm selfish? I know of a couple of people that wouldn't be.

Loner.

I've always been okay around people and making friends has never been an issue

But somehow I just don't fit in now and yes, it bugs me a whole lot.

Wtf I am doing wrong?