I'm at the verge. I don't know why or how I got here but I am. Ok, maybe I DO know how but why. Why suddenly decide that I'm tired and even though we've been through soo much, I don't see the point in pushing on.
Maybe it's the HUGE change in both our characters and directions that has woken me up. Maybe it's the fact that sometimes, even though I don't want it to, it IS awkward to meet. I never wanted it to be that way. Never. But the void I feel, it is something I'm creating? I don't feel that way ya know. It somehow makes me feel as though I'm the one that needs this and I guess it's just simply frustrating me.
What's making me hold on are the fine threads that link back to memories and times of hardship that I hold onto soo dearly. But is that the point when it's not the same anymore? I wonder if.... Ah, I guess we'll just go on this way. No choice.
I gotta be up at 6 and here I am writing this. I miss what we had. And I don't want to let go of it but for now, it just feels better to go on and let it be. Knowing that all our lives are filled and you probably have you life planned out is good enough for me. I'm always a call away. Always.
And now I begin to freak out because I have no idea how late I'll be for work. Fuck.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Thursday, September 20, 2012
3...2...1.. Self-Destruct.
Trying to think back from what happened between August 1st and now is actually a short time but it seems like ALOT has happened.
Most importantly, there was the 3rd Anniversary of my amazing relationship with my soulmate, Rachel. It was simple but I liked how it turned out. Major credit goes to Tash and Vas for helping me set up the whole thing as well as teaching me how to cook! Yes, I've never done that before and I must say that Vas was an amazing teacher.
There was MBC where I learnt soo much and that was amazing too. I got my wings back and that was an over the top feeling. Rachel's enrolled for school and gone for her checkup. I'll be going to the States soon so I've been preparing for that. Assignements for UniSIM is crazyyyy but somehow I managed to pull most of it off.
I don't even know why the hell I'm up at this time because I'm the duty officer AND I'll be conducting Life Run. Guess this is where I move into the title of my post.
I took a break and didn't continue writing simply because I was tired. And procrastinating big time. Again, it's the procrastination that is killing me. I need to find a way for me to overcome that, one way or another or else I'm always gonna feel as though I'm living my life half empty. I need to focus on getting myself to bed on time as well so that I stop oversleeping. God I need to do something to change!!
Death has been around my street recently with Nash's dad passing, one of my men's mother passing as well as the wife of my Wing commander. It should be a time of reflection and time for my to take stock of where I've been and how far I've come but I'm waaay too busy. I mean I can barely even finish writing up a post without being distracted by somethingelse.
WV is doing good and I really want it to soar. I know it will be I guess I'm just getting a little impatient. I need to understand that success doesn't just happen overnight but hey, a cycle every week would be pretty nice and it would help wus with being a little more comfortable.
I guess my post is kinda going all over the place today just like my thoughts. Waay too much on my mind and just not the right environment for all of it to pour out. Oh crap I'm getting tired again. I'll end it here for now. Till next time.
Most importantly, there was the 3rd Anniversary of my amazing relationship with my soulmate, Rachel. It was simple but I liked how it turned out. Major credit goes to Tash and Vas for helping me set up the whole thing as well as teaching me how to cook! Yes, I've never done that before and I must say that Vas was an amazing teacher.
There was MBC where I learnt soo much and that was amazing too. I got my wings back and that was an over the top feeling. Rachel's enrolled for school and gone for her checkup. I'll be going to the States soon so I've been preparing for that. Assignements for UniSIM is crazyyyy but somehow I managed to pull most of it off.
I don't even know why the hell I'm up at this time because I'm the duty officer AND I'll be conducting Life Run. Guess this is where I move into the title of my post.
I took a break and didn't continue writing simply because I was tired. And procrastinating big time. Again, it's the procrastination that is killing me. I need to find a way for me to overcome that, one way or another or else I'm always gonna feel as though I'm living my life half empty. I need to focus on getting myself to bed on time as well so that I stop oversleeping. God I need to do something to change!!
Death has been around my street recently with Nash's dad passing, one of my men's mother passing as well as the wife of my Wing commander. It should be a time of reflection and time for my to take stock of where I've been and how far I've come but I'm waaay too busy. I mean I can barely even finish writing up a post without being distracted by somethingelse.
WV is doing good and I really want it to soar. I know it will be I guess I'm just getting a little impatient. I need to understand that success doesn't just happen overnight but hey, a cycle every week would be pretty nice and it would help wus with being a little more comfortable.
I guess my post is kinda going all over the place today just like my thoughts. Waay too much on my mind and just not the right environment for all of it to pour out. Oh crap I'm getting tired again. I'll end it here for now. Till next time.
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