Never thought this would go this way.

Believer - American Authors

Well it was a day of many firsts last Friday when I went for my first concert! I mean it wasn't an awesome line up but nonetheless, at least it was something that I've never done before.

It seems that I'm continuously looking for that. New people, new experiences maybe even a new Nigel. Even went to the Gardens by the Bay for the concert and realised it was indeed a really beautiful place. If only I could find that somewhere inside of me. 

I couldn't frame this entry properly because my head's not in the right frame. I'm confused about the person I am and how I should be myself. I'm soo tired of constantly being the nice guy. A wise friend once told me that we're all grey and that we should strive to be as good as we can but seriously, it's soo frustrating sometimes.

I look around and see some people being complete asses and they get away with everything scot-free. I mean sometimes I ever wonder whether doing the right thing is worth it anymore.

I know I'm going all over the place with the post but just give me a moment. I need to just to rant. I'm in the pursuit of happiness but I don't even know what the hell it looks like or whether it is even worth chasing after.

I'm just pissed off. Funny how I started this post wanting to be all happy and yet I still ended up this way. Maybe I'm just doomed to emotional posts for the rest of my life. Heh. Look at me and the music I'm listening to, the irony. 

Night. 

Oh well..

Just keep breathing - We the Kings 

Today we saw one of founders of Galaticos leave the team for good. Not that it's never happened before but, he's of those I thought I'd see around the end of this team's time.

I guess what I've learnt is that things aren't really in your foci of control. Any one of them and all you gotta do is just let it be. It sucks because I know I tried but like I know very well, once a man whose  loss his belonging and he's lost his feeling of welcome, there's nothing that could stop him from leaving.

I mean there's soo much I could say about the disappointment, anger and resentment but I'd rather just wish the best to this person. To the rest of his decisions for all is future endeavors.

Once apart of Galaticos, always apart of Galaticos. Yes, we're not much but we're definitely a team brought together thanks to the stars. Take care and god bless my friend

Point in fighting losing battles?

Sometimes I don't get why I do it. Why I even bother standing up for my beliefs against people who probably can't give a rat's ass about what I think. I mean, if I'm not willing to accept their opinion, why the hell would they see my point.

I feel as though I'm always taking the a neutral point of view. It seems that I take a more Nigel point of view. Is that even the right thing to do? I've noticed this trend in my past few discussions and debates and am now just baffled at the way I respond to certain situations.

Normally I'm soo sure but now I'm doubting myself again. I guess it's because I know I'm not the best version of me. And also because I seem to be conitnously putting myself in a position to give advice to others when I don't even have my shit together.

There's always a saying where the worse advice is free advice. Weirdly enough, I've never asked for a single cent whenever I give out advice. Go figure.

Nonetheless, I'm still gonna continue to be there for those I want to and we'll see where this behaviour brings me.

On a side note, been able to keep the weight down. Now time to muscle up a little and maybe grow some hair. Yun Nam, anyone? Haha!

Was watching Black Hawk Down when I saw this by Plato,

"Only the dead see the end of War."

Damn. Well, with that, I wish you good night =) have a good week!!

The Runaway.

So I'm waiting around and when I wait what I do? Yes, I think.

I realise I've still been going in reverse and I'm in a spiral that seems to be hurting those around me. I spoke about wanting company and I thought I found someone who could be that company I was looking for but I'm not too sure anymore.

I'm in run away from any commitment mode. I can't. I know I'm not gonna be all in. It's not fair to either one of us. And I don't want that. All I want is company but somehow, this person makes me feel that to expect that is wrong.

I blame me. My actions. What I choose to say. Everything. I need to be more aware I guess. But if I'm aware, I won't be myself. I don't want that.

Essentially, I want a girlfriend who's not my girlfriend. The fuck is wrong with me. God knows.

Well look at the time. Yep, it's time to get shit-faced. See you in the morning, I hope :)