Solo night.

Sitting here along club st, I can't help but try to figure out what's conspired over the past few months. So its September which makes that 9 months of being single and still, I don't think I've changed much as a person except for the fact that I'm work for a longer period of time each day.

I do have quite a bit of free time and I try to fill that time up to the best of my ability. Though most of the time it seems I'm getting myself piss drunk. I don't think it's a healthy phase and I've reminded myself time and again that I shouldn't be doing this but somehow, every weekend I'm back here. I think I'm still not comfortable with spending time with myself in a quiet space. And that IS pretty scary.

Other aspects of my life? I've definitely gained a few kilos. I completely blame that on work. No really, it's work's fault! Heh! I got to spend sometime with the dogs over the week and honestly, I have no idea if I'm fit to be a dog owner. Quite a few things annoy me but soo much of what they do simply blows me away. I'm very sure I wanna have a dog but sometimes I wonder if I'd really be a good owner. 

I definitely need to work onmyself but right now, I don't think I'm on the wrong path. I'm just going with the flow and hopefully, things pan out. I've met quite a few interesting people and had quite a few profound conversations. I'm just happy I have people like Tash, K7, Thurga and Paul in my life. And yes Sam, you too :) haha!

Well till the next one, night :) 

Start thinking up.

Sara Bareilles - Brave

So this weekend was a pretty gloomy one and I haven't been hiding it with all my friggin emo posts on Facebook. I started missing her again and I began questioning if I was a bad person for everything I put her and many others through for my own well being.

I don't know if I am but honestly, knowing someone who would think that of my would just kill me. I mean that person has to be someone I really really care about. So I met Tash and we sat down and talked. Like really talked. It was good. It was different. I feel I'm making progress in getting through to him. I really don't think what we're going through is the worst things in the world but it is pretty damn heavy.

I came to conclusion previously that the only way I would want to be better is when I've found someone new but something he said kinda makes me want to take back my conclusion.

You can't have it all. You can one but then you're gonna have to forgo something else.

It just made me think about how I know my end game is to be a dad and have a family but honestly, it's  not the only thing I wanna accomplish. I keep telling myself that everything I do should be in the direction to help me achieve that goal of being a dad but I should concentrate on other things as well.

I'm on a mission to find something that drives me that is not about being in a relationship. I can be an improved version of myself in something else. I'm sure it's possible if I just give it a chance.