Pretty pissed at myself. Oh well what's new. Night.
Monday, October 21, 2013
Monday, October 14, 2013
The C word.
Cups (When I'm gone) - Anna Kendrick
Main thing that got me writing for this post the urge I had to want to talk to someone. Just meet someone and talk. So that I'll stop thinking about the what ifs. I had the urge for something very specific.
I wanted to speak to someone who was female and could simply look me in the eyes and listen to everything I said. To not just listen but make the right comments and hold my hand. I wanted someone to make me feel safe. Like everything's gonna be alright.
I think it's pretty damn obvious I miss companionship. Is that such a wrong thing really? I know it is I guess. And I know I'm supposed to be much stronger but for what really? I'm moving towards being being postive. I have actually been working out and studying and yea, the whole drinking thing failed this week again since I ended up at Patrick's place on Saturday but hey, I'm pretty fuckin unhappy. And I know it.
I asked myself what was my motivation to push myself to be happy and I came up with nothing. Not a fucking thing.
So if you can't tell yet, I'm preety pissed off. I shouldn't be saying half the things I am up there but hey, it's out so sue me.
Maybe I'll have better luck in the weeks to come.
One interesting point to note about this week was the glee episode and how the episode was a tribute to Cory Monteith who played Finn. It just reminded me of Jakey. I'm still really happy about the night we had to remember the things he did. He was happy. He was adventurous. And most of all, he was a kind kind soul. May his soul rest in peace.
And with that, we'll end on a good note by introducing my baby niece! She was born on the 12th of Oct. Hopefully I'll get a chance to see her soon :) Time to man up and be a good uncle. Gotta make sure she never sees this blog first. Heh! Night.
Main thing that got me writing for this post the urge I had to want to talk to someone. Just meet someone and talk. So that I'll stop thinking about the what ifs. I had the urge for something very specific.
I wanted to speak to someone who was female and could simply look me in the eyes and listen to everything I said. To not just listen but make the right comments and hold my hand. I wanted someone to make me feel safe. Like everything's gonna be alright.
I think it's pretty damn obvious I miss companionship. Is that such a wrong thing really? I know it is I guess. And I know I'm supposed to be much stronger but for what really? I'm moving towards being being postive. I have actually been working out and studying and yea, the whole drinking thing failed this week again since I ended up at Patrick's place on Saturday but hey, I'm pretty fuckin unhappy. And I know it.
I asked myself what was my motivation to push myself to be happy and I came up with nothing. Not a fucking thing.
So if you can't tell yet, I'm preety pissed off. I shouldn't be saying half the things I am up there but hey, it's out so sue me.
Maybe I'll have better luck in the weeks to come.
One interesting point to note about this week was the glee episode and how the episode was a tribute to Cory Monteith who played Finn. It just reminded me of Jakey. I'm still really happy about the night we had to remember the things he did. He was happy. He was adventurous. And most of all, he was a kind kind soul. May his soul rest in peace.
And with that, we'll end on a good note by introducing my baby niece! She was born on the 12th of Oct. Hopefully I'll get a chance to see her soon :) Time to man up and be a good uncle. Gotta make sure she never sees this blog first. Heh! Night.
Sunday, October 06, 2013
Welcome to the Ground Zero.
Alone Together - Fall Out Boy
So week 1 of trying out a new routine. First was to keep sober over the weekend but that failed miserably on Friday night. I blame the fact that we had a happy hour and I guess I pushed that hour to the rest of the night but Saturday and Sunday was pretty ok.
Second, is to begin exercising again and working out pretty alright for now. 5 times week is a good number and I intend to keep it up =)
Third is to always go to work early so that I start my day off with a jog and some exercise and that need's a little help but hey, how much can only seriously accomplish in a week man! Gimme a friggin break.
Fourth is to focus on school and that's alright as well. I mean I did study every night when I got back from work and I did attend class when necessary so I'd give that a check =)
Made a couple of blunders though. Besides the my failed attempted to keep sober the whole weekend, I told Rach I love her. I mean, I know I do but I'm soo afraid it came out because I've been failing to find someone who I can feel the same for. It just sucks that there's nothing I can easily resort to to remind me why we're not together in the first place.
I did toy with idea that this love is the same feeling you get when you break up with someone who really meant something to you. It's like I'd be affected if I heard that they in a bad situation and I'd do what I can to help but not in the way that I cannot live without them. Like a friend type of love but more than that. I mean the 3 of them mean a lot to me and I'm who I am today either directly or indirectly because of them and I'd definitely be affected should anything happen to either one of them. But I'm gonna try to find out about how they're doing. I think that might be crossing the line. I mean, I've been doing just that and let's just say it's burnt me pretty damn badly.
Nonetheless, like I said, I'm just toying with the idea trying to understand what I truly feel. Hmmm.. Loving your ex, possible? I personally don't think it makes any sense but then again, how to do being to make sense of the situation that I'm in.
So yea, I'm just gonna keep to this routine for now and see how it goes. Concentrate on myself a little bit. I'm gonna try to forget about the long term goal. I'm doing it because if I don't figure me out, I'm never gonna figure out what I really wanna want. In love or in life.
So hey, the meter for week 1 is positive and we're gonna keep it that way. Wish me luck! =)
So week 1 of trying out a new routine. First was to keep sober over the weekend but that failed miserably on Friday night. I blame the fact that we had a happy hour and I guess I pushed that hour to the rest of the night but Saturday and Sunday was pretty ok.
Second, is to begin exercising again and working out pretty alright for now. 5 times week is a good number and I intend to keep it up =)
Third is to always go to work early so that I start my day off with a jog and some exercise and that need's a little help but hey, how much can only seriously accomplish in a week man! Gimme a friggin break.
Fourth is to focus on school and that's alright as well. I mean I did study every night when I got back from work and I did attend class when necessary so I'd give that a check =)
Made a couple of blunders though. Besides the my failed attempted to keep sober the whole weekend, I told Rach I love her. I mean, I know I do but I'm soo afraid it came out because I've been failing to find someone who I can feel the same for. It just sucks that there's nothing I can easily resort to to remind me why we're not together in the first place.
I did toy with idea that this love is the same feeling you get when you break up with someone who really meant something to you. It's like I'd be affected if I heard that they in a bad situation and I'd do what I can to help but not in the way that I cannot live without them. Like a friend type of love but more than that. I mean the 3 of them mean a lot to me and I'm who I am today either directly or indirectly because of them and I'd definitely be affected should anything happen to either one of them. But I'm gonna try to find out about how they're doing. I think that might be crossing the line. I mean, I've been doing just that and let's just say it's burnt me pretty damn badly.
Nonetheless, like I said, I'm just toying with the idea trying to understand what I truly feel. Hmmm.. Loving your ex, possible? I personally don't think it makes any sense but then again, how to do being to make sense of the situation that I'm in.
So yea, I'm just gonna keep to this routine for now and see how it goes. Concentrate on myself a little bit. I'm gonna try to forget about the long term goal. I'm doing it because if I don't figure me out, I'm never gonna figure out what I really wanna want. In love or in life.
So hey, the meter for week 1 is positive and we're gonna keep it that way. Wish me luck! =)
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