Welcome to the Ground Zero.

Alone Together - Fall Out Boy

So week 1 of trying out a new routine. First was to keep sober over the weekend but that failed miserably on Friday night. I blame the fact that we had a happy hour and I guess I pushed that hour to the rest of the night but Saturday and Sunday was pretty ok.

Second, is to begin exercising again and working out pretty alright for now. 5 times week is a good number and I intend to keep it up =)

Third is to always go to work early so that I start my day off with a jog and some exercise and that need's a little help but hey, how much can only seriously accomplish in a week man! Gimme a friggin break.

Fourth is to focus on school and that's alright as well. I mean I did study every night when I got back from work and I did attend class when necessary so I'd give that a check =)

Made a couple of blunders though. Besides the my failed attempted to keep sober the whole weekend, I told Rach I love her. I mean, I know I do but I'm soo afraid it came out because I've been failing to find someone who I can feel the same for. It just sucks that there's nothing I can easily resort to to remind me why we're not together in the first place.

I did toy with idea that this love is the same feeling you get when you break up with someone who really meant something to you. It's like I'd be affected if I heard that they in a bad situation and I'd do what I can to help but not in the way that I cannot live without them. Like a friend type of love but more than that. I mean the 3 of them mean a lot to me and I'm who I am today either directly or indirectly because of them and I'd definitely be affected should anything happen to either one of them. But I'm gonna try to find out about how they're doing. I think that might be crossing the line. I mean, I've been doing just that and let's just say it's burnt me pretty damn badly.

Nonetheless, like I said, I'm just toying with the idea trying to understand what I truly feel. Hmmm.. Loving your ex, possible? I personally don't think it makes any sense but then again, how to do being to make sense of the situation that I'm in.

So yea, I'm just gonna keep to this routine for now and see how it goes. Concentrate on myself a little bit. I'm gonna try to forget about the long term goal. I'm doing it because if I don't figure me out, I'm never gonna figure out what I really wanna want. In love or in life.

So hey, the meter for week 1 is positive and we're gonna keep it that way. Wish me luck! =)