Bad day turn good.

Please don't go - Mike Posner

Bad day at work so all I wanted to do was run back home. No seriously. Run. HAHA!

It was an insane feeling but then I guess it's kinda impossible since like I gotta bring my wallet and everything back to my place so I just decided to be civil and head back home as a normal person would.

Got home to my love and she was being a lazy pig as usual. But today, she wanted to go jogging! So hey, not too bad I thought to myself. I'll still go running but as far as I would. How wrong I was. I barely broke a SWEAT! HAHAHA!

Looking at the way we're going, Rachel needs a lot of work. And since running is one of my all-time-quite-ok-at -doing things, I'm gonna help her. I just hope this collaboration is going to work out. Lol!

As for my space? I guess I'm getting used to it. Running around the estate kinda gave me a good feeling and I suppose I'll be doing it more often. I guess good things can come out from tough situations. You just gotta have a diamond right by your side.

Lash out.

I'm tired.

"Don't take it too seriously."

Seriously mum. Seriously!? I can't begin to explain the amount of anger and frustration I feel now. How does what my mum say like half the time even make sense to me. Or to anyone else for that matter. It doesn't. And the way she goes about saying things is on a level that even I cannot comprehend.

I'm afraid that her priorities lie somewhere where I'm not going to be happy.

It's fucked up for a son to say that but the more I listen to her reasons, the more I feel that the only person she's thinking about is herself. I've only been wanting to do what I think is right. And for very good reason, I feel that I'm failing miserably. My dad's starting to lose his weight on her opinions as well and I think he's just gonna step aside and see how this plays out.

Time.

That's something I've not been given. And it's not something that anyone's willing to give at this moment because what they want is change. Change that will make them feel at ease. Change that will put a smile on their face without holding back anything because there is no baggage to hold them back. Change is not going to come if you don't give it time. And even if there was change, nothing can erase what has happened. NOTHING.

Probably I feel so strongly about it because the event is recent. The feelings are still fresh in mind. If that's the case then fine, give me time and maybe, just maybe things might be different. But let me warn you, maybe is weak. It's a word that comes with no promise and commitment. It's simply a hope. And with what I've been through, I'm done with hope. So I'd advice you do the same.

I personally feel I've been abusing this blog. I write when I want to. I leave you on hiatus for god knows how long. And when things are shit again, I'm back here. Maybe I'm only acting the way I've been treated. Yep, it's that word again, maybe.

A Week's gone by.

Hey Soul Sister- Train

So week 1 has passed by and hey, I'm still here in Sembawang. That's a good start, I guess.

Well it was the best feeling when Anga and Vik insisted we have home cooked food. Like I don't why, but that thought just ,meant alot to me. Like I mean that's the basic thing you lack when you're not in your own home you know. Plus we're not really allowed to cook here so yeah, when they offered to pass us home cooked food, I just felt like tearing up. It's not something you expect from a friend and yet it come naturally for them. Sometimes blood isn't just about red liquid that run through your veins. My friends have thought me that.

Tash and Vas joined Rach and I for a movie. The Green Hornet. More like The Great waste of time. LOL! But yeah, Tash was insanely keen on watching it so I guess we all gave in to him. Rach and Vas fell asleep(no surprise there right?) and Tash and I both confessed that this was by far one of the dumbest movies we've ever watched. Heh! But for me, what was more important was that I was spending time with them. Even if it isn't everyone, it doesn't matter.

I know a WHOLE lot of people aren't happy with my decision to move out. But it's not like I wanted to. It's just something I have to do. Something temporary. At least I hope it is.

Rach and I finally got rid of the freaking bed frames that took up like HALF the room. It's more spacious now. And yes, more umm, like home?

Like What?!

Decode- Paramore

Hey! Yes, I'm back with an insane history and too much to say. Not gonna bother filling you up with all the details but basically, I moved out.

Yep, it's day four here in Sembawang and Rach and myself are living all by ourselves! It's fucking scary nonetheless but somehow, I know this will be good for us. It's a stage not many get to go through so in my heart and mind, I'm gonna keep this positive and somewhere down the road, hopefully this experience will serve me well.

I just feel really bad that Rach has to go through this because firstly, she's freaking young and secondly, she really doesn't deserve this after all she's been through. But I know more than anything, she needs me and that's exactly what I'm going to be doing. I'm gonna always be here for her.

Moving into a different environment is fucking crazy. I mean, I don't know. I thought my first place would be a house and or an apartment and not a room. But hey, the circumstances are such so whatever right? heh! I'm sure we'll pull through.

just dance- lady gaga feat. colby

oh man.. it's here!! haha!

i'm finally freaking graduating ya'll!!

i mean, i'm probably not excited as most because it's only a diploma but hey, a graduation is a graduation!! well i'm gonna go get ready and i promise photos WILL be uploaded in the next post=) watch out for it!!

and i'm sorry i've not been blogging much. not much inspiration everytime i get on the computer.=(

out!

if today was your last day-nickleback

it affected me. i won't lie about that. alot of what you say affects me. this is the effect of two wonderful years spent with you. sometimes, i accidentally say your name because i'm soo used to it. it's a reflex. it's only a reflex. i'll make it thru.

today this song is more than appropriate to how i felt. i duno why. going out with rach was awesome. and receiving sarrah's message really made me think twice. too scary. tooo fucking scary. i was affected but then somehow this song came to my head and i just realized i need to get back to where i was and not back to where i was.

it's hard. but i can do it. i know i can. i felt something different today. i duno what it was but there was definitely something. and somehow i felt she felt it too. i just hope i do things right so that i dont put her thru the pain i did before. i'll change back. it's the least she deserves for all she's done. i need to do much more and i know.

well well, away from the emo stuff. ummm.. i'm get unhealthier. haha! i guess there's no running from it. this post is simply gonna be a rollercoaster. heh!

heck. i dont wanna fill this up with meaningless junk. what is super meaningful though is the lyrics to the song i'm listening to. here you guys go!=)

My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had, if today was your last day?
What if, what if, if today was your last day?

Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the price is always worth the fight
Every second counts 'cause there's no second try
So live like you're never living twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?

And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love if today was your last day?

If today was your last day
Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?
You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are

So do whatever it takes
'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life
Let nothing stand in your way
'Cause the hands of time are never on your side

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?

And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of
Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love if today was your last day?

Read the lyrics. Reflect on your own life. Bask in what you already accomplished.

sweet dreams you stars=)

Insomnia-Craig David

tried to but i can't sleep. on my mind? redemption.

i've been trying to be someone that i'm not. and yesterday it hit me hard. like bang. i don't know why but somehow i just felt i had to try doing what i did before i go into NS because that basically marks the end of my freedom. how childish can i get? seriously, my immaturity sickens me to my stomach. i thought i had to go out, try to be this cassanova and attract whoever i could so that i could get the feeling of being in control.

STUPIDEST FUCKING THING I HAVE EVER THOUGHT OF. PERIOD.

it's not who i am. it's NEVER been who i am. and i don't like the person i've become. i need to set myself straight. keep my sights on one and try to make things work with her. i need to come back. i need my balooned head to come back down to earth.

i'm sorry to those i've hurt and seriously, i know this counts for shit but yea, my heart goes out to those i've neglected or hurt in the process of this selfish excuse for freedom. i never wanted freedom, maybe all i wanted is to try to be someone who i thought i needed to be to just prove something to myself. UGH! i can't believe it even came to this really. damn.

i need to prove i can be better. tomorrow's a new day right?

my apologies especially to you. i've been a selfish ass and.. you can go ahead and write whatever you feel. i'm sorry for commenting on what you wrote. you have all the right too. i was thinking of myself, as usual. my heartfelt apology is right here, i just hope you accept it. you are the one of the nicest people i've met, i'll admit to that.

Beautiful - Colby O'Donis & Kardinal Offishall

don't hate the dealer, hate the game.

i don't know why but i just had that song playing in my head alot these past few days. hmmmm... have i got you wondering? haha!

well, i don't know why, but the past few days, i just felt myself distance! like from two main group of friends. the JBP gang and D. it's like soo freaking annoying but i promise things will change!

for JBP, plans were made, and i was barely there. many apologies. but seriously speaking, the plans were a little too last minute. but i'll do my best to work around them and make something happen the next time k? i seriously find me hating myself for not being able to get down to hanging with them and stuff because they're an awesome bunch!=) rini, ezwan, raidah, anil, ifah, nadiah, chanel and the other awesome peeps i've not mentioned!! if i've been an ass, I'M SOO SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!=)

i'm not sure the smiley there served it's true purpose. i'm gonna leave it there anyway. heh!

and D, i don't know why but i'm afraid to see you. i can't explain but maybe it's the fact you know things without me saying that freaks me out. it startled and even impressed me at first, but, i'm a little scared now. you're and awesome friend nonetheless. i need to talk and see you. i'll get down to it, eventually.

at the moment, i'm at that part where i feel life's going where i want it to but i know, i feel that there's soo much more i can do to make it that much better. i guess we'll see what happens.....

True perseverance will see you through it, it always has.

america's suiteheart- fall out boy

so i've not blogged in quite a while huh. there's quite alot to catch up on for example, the fantastic outing to East Coast Park with my buddies from the the birdpark! it was super super awesome and now i finally have pictures to upload!! yay!! hahaha! it was the first time i got to roller blade and so yea, it was really nice! i fell like 3 times but for all it was worth, it was worth it=) we played twister, had snacks and just laughed our asses off. nothing better than spending quality time with the people you care about is what i'd say. enjoy the pictures!!

Gearing up!

The iron skaters!! hahaah!!


The two who were my support!! thank you rai rai and ezwan!!


The awesomest birdpark part timers around!=) (chanel and nadiah missing though)
And another picturesque view for all=)

Also, a shout out to the KOP! fantabulous job against newcastle. let's hope arsenal can cause some problems for the devils and a few slip ups for the run-in to the title would be appreciated as well!

please don't leave me- pink

i don't freaking get it. i FINALLY get 12hours to sleep and i waste it ALL by staying up all night. and i know i'll be freaking busy the next few days and i still throw it away. there i go yawning again. dumbass. dumbass fuck i tell you. oh well...

yesterday was the 8th, wait, ummm.. yea, 8th day prayers for vik's dad. it was still a sad session but i think it's encouraging to still see not only relatives but loads of friends around as well. and there was pizza!!! so that was a HUGE plus!! haha!!

there was this particular moment when the smoke coming from the samrani (not sure if i spelt that right) engulfed the house. and it watched as vik dad's eldest sister teared as she mourned for him. and she continually told him to eat the food that was spread across the floor before his photo. i duno. i sorta stuck in my mind and yea, even after 8 days, tears do and probably will continue to fall. aunty prema did cry as well but still, the strength in the eyes were just, admirable.

and i guess i should started praying loudly more often because arsenal went on to freaking lose to man u. see what happens when you start to get lazy. haha!

well i guess i should start getting ready for work yea? i wonder if i'll faint. hmmm...