invaders must die- the prodigy

i was walking through a crowd of people coming off the same train i was traveling on when it my lame excuse of inspiration hit me. this is it. this is the land i've been born into and it's where i'l probably spend the rest of my life. walking through and against this madness is probably what i'm gonna have to live with for the rest of my miserable life. unless i get a car. hmmm... yea, it's never happening. hah!

ever wondered how it'll be if your whole world was turned around. and you had to change the way you lived, talked and maybe even walked! woah. i don't know why but i just feel like i want that now. more than i ever did before. i want to start a fresh somewhere and just create who i am all over again. something tells me that's the one way you find out who you truly are.

thats it. put yourself in a total foreign land in total solitude and just live life from there. whatever you choose to be is probably the way you want to be for the rest of your life.

by the way, this applies to adults above 20 only. heh! my mind boggles when i think of what i'd choose to be. hmmm.. nice.=)

a silent prayer for arsenal tonight. i've always admired your football and now more than ever, you need to silence the Devils. show them how hell really feels like. though i think liverpool already did pretty well in our last outing with them. HAHA!

breathe slow-alesha dixon

i met you and my heart began to race. we embrace and yes, i feel the emotion begin to race. i can't hold back and i hold you tighter, god, please tell me what this will be be after.

i ended up mind fucking myself by meeting her. i don't know why but once i see her face, my feeling just arise from god knows where. i don't understand which part of we'll never work out does my heart not understand. and this is coming at a point of time where i few other things in my head that i cannot stop from being there.

then comes the twist. i was really happy spending time with her. i truly was. but once it came to end, and we started to question what the hell we were doing, the night began to turn sour.

a part of me wants to just try. just go ahead and do everything i can to make things work. but i know that way i'm not gonna be very happy now am i. it's a mountain to climb and after coming down one, i guess everyone needs a rest?

the crescent moon stares at me like i've done wrong. i don't disagree.

break even- the script

another song i can't run away from. heh! anyways, i had a bad bad feeling at work today. i told it to raidah. i wanted to quit. i don't know if i was affected by what happened but i just felt i wanted to just leave.

maybe it's just feeling left over from the week before? i freaking hope it was monday blues. i was supposed to work tomorrow as well but yea, i decided that i wouldn't. i think i just need some rest and it'll all be fine. hmmmm... i gotta keep my head straight. there's soo many reasons to stay. i'm in the midst of getting the the BET made over and ummm.. i need to train izzah and...

who am i kidding. i'm only staying because you guys are there. and because the pay's too good to give up in this economy. haha!

i've been having trouble to sleep the pass few days. i just like force myself to get SUPER tired before i can finally shut my eyes. images pop in and it's hard to ignore them. thoughts run through and sometimes tears fall for no freaking apparent reason.

agh, i must have just got something in them.

Aerosmith- I don't wanna miss a thing

the day was perfect. look in one direction and you'll see the perfect blue sky with the fluffiest cloud and the breeze seemed to just caress your face with a slightly cooling tingle. turn around and your eyes behold an area crawling with onlooking people. an area that was cordoned off by police tape. you know it's never a good thing when a white piece of plastic is lying on floor.

i arrived at 4.10pm, almost 15mins after i received the call from tash. i arrived to the scene where aunty prema and muhes were weeping. i held back. i thought he might still be alive. i prayed as i made my way. i didn't want him to pass on. it was not his time.

but he did and there was nothing i could do. nothing anyone could do. i sat there and looked. tears began to fill my eyes. i felt sadness for vik. i felt sadness for muhes. but somehow, i felt anger at the same time. i am an emotional guy, i admit to that. i stood up, looked around and made a realization that i wasn't alone.

the investigation officer did what they needed to do and vik began to walk away. i straightened myself out and went to his side. andy, tash, dev, maddu, mohan, os, shahl and andy were all there for him. it was painful to see what he was going through. i tried soo freaking hard to hold back my tears and so did the rest. i know they did.

we waited for almost 5hours before the body was taken back to mortuary. within that time, the wailing from relatives and family members were distant and far in between. and to listen to them as they happened was unbearable. i'll admit that i myself did breakdown. some moments were just too overwhelming.

the moments i remember the most were the times when the breeze would just blow past and silence would just fill the air around me. it felt as though everything is alright. it's like God's way of saying, "Stop crying. It's my turn to take care of him."

when the body left, everyone worked like clockwork. the house was cleared within moments and the pictures were covered. we stayed the night through talking and reminisce about the past, trying hard to keep our minds off the situation that unfolded hours before. i came home, and all i did was think about the situation the love ones that were left behind had to face with. i began to start thinking what he was thinking about in those final moments. i began to think of things that he didn't think about. it saddened me and all i did was watch movies till my eyes finally shut.

when i finally came around, it was time for the funeral. alot of waiting for the body to arrive and when he finally did, a reception worthy of a rockstar, as many would say, was awaiting him. i helped to carry the casket up and down. tash was there as well because they needed people of equal height to help with the tranferring of the casket.

before the casket left, i placed a garland that thiya, a friend from jurong bird park, passed me to placed on him on behalf of her. as i placed it, i took a good look at him. i placed my hands together, paid my respects, prayed very hard that his soul would rest in peace and then made my way. it was a moment that was difficult for me. i turned to look at aunty prema and she was my strength. she thought me, just through the look on her face, that if she can be strong for her two sons and the rest of the family, why not me. my hat's off to her and my absolute admiration to her sons who throughout the whole ordeal acted the way any father would be proud of.

cremation. the scene of the casket becoming a victim of the incinerator was hard to bear for some who walked out the moment the casket disappeared from sight. i was among those people. moments of him came flashing through my head and all i wanted was for his soul to be at rest.

my heart goes out to all those affected by this tragedy. yes, we know it's not his time but let us all be there to pray and him know it's alright to cross over. for his soul to be at peace.

Aunty Prema, your strength during the ordeal is an inspiration to all who were present. and as your message said, we'll always be by your side. we're only a call away so please, never hesitate.

Muhes, know that no matter what the circumstance, what the reason, we'll all be here for you. you're never ever alone.

Vik, i know i've not been the best of your friends. i might not be the type to tell you everything that happens in my life and i do admit that. but i guess somehow, through all this, times we spent together hit me the hardest and i guess i really really do care about you and whatever you go through. i want you to be fine, i want you to always know that you're never alone. you got soo many sweet people around you like shahl, tash and thinesh who'll always be there for ya. and no matter how much i screw up, know that i'm always here. and i'll always be because you were the first person i ever considered and declared to be my best friend. till today, that hasn't changed.

mind at ease and i've said my peace. god bless you Uncle Yoges.

the fan going round and round in my room=)

i was trying hard to sleep. really i was. and suddenly i had the urge to blog. it's weird because normally i HAVE to think about what to write but this time, it actually came to me! haha!

that ultimate bittersweet moment.

i don't know why, but i just felt like i wanted to talk about it. and no, i can't state my bittersweet moment but i somehow feel that all of us would agree that missing something or someone, be it passed on or alive is something bittersweet.

it's the the highest form of bitter because you know you can't have it at that point of time but yet it's soo sweet because the fact that you actually miss it makes you feel that you really love or like or appreciate that thing or person. it makes you feel that you're more than just an object that wakes up every morning, goes to work/school, come back, have dinner and go to bed.

it makes you feel human. it makes me feel human. damn i need sleep. haha!

well well, i guess that's it for now.. so go ahead, i'd like you to take back what i said and every time you say that you miss, or feel that you miss something, think of it as the ultimate bittersweet moment. you'll get what i mean=)

*i look out the window this time and i see the the purple blue sky with no twinkle........

Blame it- Jamie Foxx ft. T-Pain

Sometimes i want to turn back, sometimes i wanna move on with another and sometimes, i just wanna let it all go..

i thought single life would be easy, and don't get me wrong, it is. but sometimes there are situations you face when you feel that if you were in a relationship, you might never have to face. maybe it's just me and my inability to say no. i want to, but i can't.

anyways, work the past few days has been good. i think we're really going somewhere with this Bird's Eye Tour Make Over thing. loads of fantastic ideas has bounced off everyone and i seriously see us making something out of all the effort we're putting into the project. i'd like to take this opportunity to thank anil, hafeez and julie for thier contributions to the project=)

let's hope it actually goes somewhere yea? it'll be cool to one day return to the bird park and see something which we created still there.

it'll be DAMN cool=)

Second Chance- Shinedown

"By the way, I made it through the day"

i don't know why, but somehow just that line speaks out to me. i just felt like a weird connection to it the moment i heard it. it's like telling me that no matter how much i screw up, fuck up or am unable to do something about a certain situation, i can still make it through the day. and the day after. and the day after that. unless i die, of course. now that would just be sad. haha!

so yea, moving on. i'm gonna go back to work at starbucks today!! i don't know why but the freaking words die die die die die keeps playing in my head. truth be told, i'm kinda scared. i've always been the type to be afraid of going back to something and not having it to be the way it used to be.

hmmm.. maybe that speaks about ALOT of other stuff too. just saying though. haha!

well let's see how it goes=) i'm a little excited. ok maybe not...

Gimme, gimme, gimme- Benny Benassi

i can choose to be at a cross road but i'd rather just stand at the sidewalk and see what happens.. something you told me last night opened my eyes and maybe it's time i choose my path.. i don't know.. maybe i just wanna bask in where i am right now?

So i'm down with the flu but that does not stop the show from going on so yesterday was Andy's BIG 20!! hahaha! the guy's finally out of the teen zone.. sad aint it? Zul was nice enough to get us a table at the pump room and there's where we celebrated it!!=)


it was nice to see everyone there again and yea, i hope you enjoyed your birthday bro! haha!! and the freaking board shorts we bought you! i better see you wearing them often k? heh!!

Pictures!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Birthday Boy!

The People

The Place=)

well well, i got nothing much to say today actually. loads of other stuff has happened but i'd rather keep that out of here=) haha! take care and sweet dreams you guys!=)

the stars were out but you were no where to be seen....

Maybe- Jay Sean

i need to be true to myself. i need to do what's right but my head's holding me back.

doing what's right is means i lose her forever. do i want that? there i go again, thinking of myself.

oh god, just make her realize i'm not worth it. it'll be easier that way. i'm sorry.

work tomorrow and i feel like i've rested enough! haha! still got a bad feeling that i'm gonna wake up late!! i gotta prove myself wrong.. c'mon nigel! you can do it! muahahahaha!!

anyways, few events passed so far. Muhes' pangguni was freaking awesome! that boy has got crazy guts and will power i tell you! kudos bro for making it and sorry for not attending your dinner thing!!

next up, my beautiful cousin's wedding! Sunitha's her name and yea, her wedding was more like a PARTY!!! i drank, and drank, and you guessed it, drank somemore!! she looked beautiful and her groom looked dashing in his tuxedo looking t-shirt and bermudas. yes, they're wedding had a beach theme. beat that people. i wore BERMUDAS to a wedding. the world is turning up side down i tell you. LOL!!

Last but not least, my awesome bro's birthday is today!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU HAIRY EXCUSE OF A MAN!!

yes, he's finally 18! (no more sneaking around for that smoke right bro?) haha! i bought him boxers because i felt it was the LEAST gay-est present to purchase, i hope.

here's pictures from the wedding!=) enjoy!

Angle of the how roughly how the wedding was..

Drinking brothers=)


My bro with the newly weds!


Myself with the newly weds!

the sound a woman informing passengers of the final boarding call for Philippines Flight...

so she went, with a short look and a wave..

and we looked as she left quite a legacy behind..

superwoman. that's what she'll always be remembered by me for..

i wish you all the best and i pray you find what you seek for back in your homeland..

good night and god bless you, Nerry.

Lollipop(Remix)- Lil' wayne ft. Francisco

things aren't as straight forward! every time i wanna be by myself, do what i want, i get pulled into something i might not be ready for. and being the selfish son of a gun that i am, i make no effort in resisting it... why do i know i must change but choose not to.

lots of funny things have been happening to me past few day, inclusive of the ball that smashed my face episode. first one, a guest come up to me to inquire about something. here's how the convo went.
Guest: What time is the 10 o'clock show?
Me: (Looks at him confused)
Guest(confidently): What TIME is the 10 o'clock show?
Me(tries FUCKING hard not to laugh): ummm.. (chuckles under breath).. 10am sir?
Guest: Oh..(looks at me bashfully).. where is it?

omg.. do not tell me that is not the fucking funniest thing! hahahha!! after he left, i looked at raidah and we laughed soo hard!! lol!!!

next happened today when a guest asked me about what he should do after visiting the Bird Park.
Guest: Vhat time snowcity close?
Me: Mondays not open
Guest: Ya i knowwww... Vhat thime is it closed?
Me: Uh.. 6pm..
Guest: Oh k good.. we can go see no?
Me: No sir it's closed..
Guest: (looks at me confused)

I SWEAR I SAID CLOSED THE EXACT WAY HE DID AND YET HE LOOKED AT ME CONFUSED.. WTF IS THAT ALL ABOUT?! but nonetheless, it was funny..

and then he goes onto ask if there's anything else he could do. ezwan stepped in and NEARLY says JOO instead of ZOO to spite the man but of course, being the 'nice' guy that he is, he hesistated. i saw it in his eyes. HE REALLY WANTED TO DO IT!!

i would have gone down laughing if he had. damn his niceness. and yea, the last one was a few moments ago when i told raidah that the san diego zoo is probably the best zoo in the world and she asked me where this zoo was. omg. i wanted to slap her right there but instead i just laughed my ass off. funny funny people i work with and i love them to death.

awesome bunch this folks i work with at the Bird Park and this post goes out to them. All of them=)


feeling that nights coming are gonna be starry ones. i hope...

Stayed at home all day. Went out at about 6 to play soccer. Played for a little while and yes you guessed it,

MY FACE GOT SMASHED BY THE BALL.

Correction, my NOSE got smashed by the ball!!!

omg, the pain was intolerable but yet i managed to carry on playing. The things adrenaline makes you do. haha!

Remember kids, if you see a flying ball, DODGE IT! or you may forever bear the consequence of having a crooked nose. heh!

who turned off the lights, starry sky?

America's Suitehearts- Fall Out Boy

i don't hate you. i never learn my lessons. i need to do what's right.

i just don't love you no more....

Yesterday rini and i met up for like a bestie day out kinda thing and it was freaking awesome!! like totally!! hahahah!!

we had heaps of fun and we were like chatting non-stop throughout!! omg, i think my jaw had a freaking good workout!! and yesterday was also like rini's day to try out stuff she never had a chance to do!! the list is as below:

1) Consume the awesomest chicken rice at block 925!
2) Take the sky ride at siloso
3) Ride the luge
4) Watch a sunset with someone else besides her family
5) Walk all the wat to Rasa Sentosa

and i'm sure that there'e more she could add on but yea, that's all that comes to mind.

after that i went over to my old (but still current store) Capital Towers!!!

i saw taufiq and of course, my one and only, BEN!! hahahah! ok, i read that over. sounds fucking gay. nvm. hahaha! it's the truth! so i caught up with taufiq for a little while and then dropped by Ben's place to just talk about stuff. it was a real mind opener. and i couldn't be happier to have heard his share and to know that he'll always will be there for me. Thanks bro! from the bottom of my heart, seriously.

well well, here's some of the picture's from yesterday, enjoy=)

Rini's First time up the Sky Ride!!

Location? Siloso Beach!!=)


AWWWW!! doesn't she look adorable? lol!!

And to end it all off, a picturesque view of the Siloso Bay....

Ahhh.. the night was beautiful too. Thank you starry sky....=)

Just Dance -Lady GaGa ft. Colby o'Donnis

i wanna move forward. i wanna move forward. i do, i do.

Today's fun run was like REALLY FUN!! but like super freaking wasted i could not enjoy it to the fullest because of my stupid freaking headache. ARGH!! damn stupid.

But from the bottom of my heart,

THANK YOU SOO MUCH FOR TOLERATING MY ANNOYING-NESS!!

haha! i don't even know if that's a real word. i doubt so. heh! well my team got last but i don't really care because it was awesome and it was fun! heh!

i wonder if i should go to the beach tomorrow. it's been sometime since i last went there. i miss long walks on the beach with my feet in the sand and someone to chat with beside me. maybe i'll try to annoy someone to join me. maybe....

good night starry sky and remember that there's always someone for everyone, always.

Dope Boys- The Game ft. Travis Barker

Happy April Fool's everyone!!

i'm sick today unfortunately and like it's such a disappointment because it's my only chance to prank everyone at work!! haiz.. oh well.. i guess there's always next year right? and there's no chance for me to prank anyone at all because i'm home all day!! argh!!

well i've got nothing much to say today actually.. except for the fact that i got pranked via sms and it was interesting.. haha! oh well.. i guess no matter what the medium, a prank is a prank so kudos to this person...

knowing me the way you do does not give you the right to take advantage of me...

i see thunder and lightning, maybe it's gonna be a bleak wednesday...