Fuck the end of the world shit. I'm high and I'm still alive.
I wanna blog because I figured that my life could be what I wnated it to be no matter whether I was attached or not. I think so la.
Not sure but there's not harm trying right?
The loosing hair part might be quite a turn off but I'll figure someway around that. HAHA!
Ok ok nonsense. Note to self, never fucking blog when high. LOL!
Night.
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
The post before the 21st.
Not sure if I'd get a chance to post this up. And no, this is not because of the hype of the world ending on the 21st, though I must admit I might be riding on that wave just so I'd actually get to typing something at least.
Well on a 2 week break from work and it sucks to have an idle mind. Got my room all cleaned up and did 2 batches of laundry and went grocery shopping today. Must say it was pretty much a failure because I bought everything BUT groceries. HAH!
Things with Rachel aren't as peachy as I hoped for them to be as the year comes to a close but hey, if things were always good then where's the fun in that, right? I believe we'll be able to overcome them but sometimes, it does get pretty tough and it really does get me thinking about dumb stuff like is she too young to be this committed or maybe she really doesn't deserve a douche like me. I haven't been the easiest person to live with but she's always been by my side and always picking up after me so we won't get into trouble with the other people living with us. She's a godsend really but she can really get on your nerves when she wants. Like I said, what's the point if everything's always peachy ey. =)
Don't know if I want this post to be a look back into what I've accomplished over the year. Apparently that's something that Facebook can help you with now as well. Though they're mainly pictures and a little reminder of how many people wished you happy birthday this year, I think it's pretty neat. Technology sure has come a long way. Thing is that maybe it's made us lazier than we should be. Heck, I barely even remember most of my close buddies' handphone numbers.
Besides that weird side note, I've got my knee a little dinged. Don't know how that's gonna turn up but trust me, the results will probably be posted here. I need something to place all the highlights of my life right?
Well on a 2 week break from work and it sucks to have an idle mind. Got my room all cleaned up and did 2 batches of laundry and went grocery shopping today. Must say it was pretty much a failure because I bought everything BUT groceries. HAH!
Things with Rachel aren't as peachy as I hoped for them to be as the year comes to a close but hey, if things were always good then where's the fun in that, right? I believe we'll be able to overcome them but sometimes, it does get pretty tough and it really does get me thinking about dumb stuff like is she too young to be this committed or maybe she really doesn't deserve a douche like me. I haven't been the easiest person to live with but she's always been by my side and always picking up after me so we won't get into trouble with the other people living with us. She's a godsend really but she can really get on your nerves when she wants. Like I said, what's the point if everything's always peachy ey. =)
Don't know if I want this post to be a look back into what I've accomplished over the year. Apparently that's something that Facebook can help you with now as well. Though they're mainly pictures and a little reminder of how many people wished you happy birthday this year, I think it's pretty neat. Technology sure has come a long way. Thing is that maybe it's made us lazier than we should be. Heck, I barely even remember most of my close buddies' handphone numbers.
Besides that weird side note, I've got my knee a little dinged. Don't know how that's gonna turn up but trust me, the results will probably be posted here. I need something to place all the highlights of my life right?
Friday, November 23, 2012
That wavering feeling.
Final paper today and yet I rather blog than study so I guess that goes to show how very prepared I am for the paper. It really disgusts me that I find myself not interested in studying anymore and I actually have another 6 semesters before I actually get my damn degree. Year 1 and I'm already losing my drive, sweet.
I guess I could blame it on a number of factors of which I'd not like to mention but I know I should or else how the hell else am I gonna learn, right?
One is what I've been talking about forever. Procrastination. Can't deal with it still and would rather do everything else except the task at hand. Retarded but through. Reckon I probably need a freaking self help book or a psychiatrist for that one.
Next I guess is my distraction from life due to a couple of opportunities I'm currently pursuing. I don't know if it's false hope but somehow, it makes me fall into a category of people who believe that education is not important if I REALLY want to live my life the way I want to. Because I have tasted a little success and though it's slowing down now, I'm pretty damn sure it'll pick right back up again. Hmmmm.... Can't wait for that moment. See what I mean by getting distracted. Oh help me.
Though I hate to admit it, work has been distracting me a little as well only because I really enjoy it at this point of time as I'm on course and I love learning new stuff especially when it concerns the job I do. Haha! It's weird but it's true.
The more I write the more I look to the bottom right of my screen to check the time. 4.48pm which means I'm officially 2 hours away from my paper.
Quite a bit has gone past which includes Rachel's 21st Birthday!! Managed to plan that one out and I must say that it was not as bad as I thought it would be. Like I said on my FB status, loads of Mamas but no Dramas. Haha! All well ends well I guess. Rain did give me a scare but it calmed down and allowed everyone to have a good time.
Need to get back to studying and hopefully something gets sticks. 12 chapters and only 3 questions. Why the fuck do Professors do this to us.
I guess I could blame it on a number of factors of which I'd not like to mention but I know I should or else how the hell else am I gonna learn, right?
One is what I've been talking about forever. Procrastination. Can't deal with it still and would rather do everything else except the task at hand. Retarded but through. Reckon I probably need a freaking self help book or a psychiatrist for that one.
Next I guess is my distraction from life due to a couple of opportunities I'm currently pursuing. I don't know if it's false hope but somehow, it makes me fall into a category of people who believe that education is not important if I REALLY want to live my life the way I want to. Because I have tasted a little success and though it's slowing down now, I'm pretty damn sure it'll pick right back up again. Hmmmm.... Can't wait for that moment. See what I mean by getting distracted. Oh help me.
Though I hate to admit it, work has been distracting me a little as well only because I really enjoy it at this point of time as I'm on course and I love learning new stuff especially when it concerns the job I do. Haha! It's weird but it's true.
The more I write the more I look to the bottom right of my screen to check the time. 4.48pm which means I'm officially 2 hours away from my paper.
Quite a bit has gone past which includes Rachel's 21st Birthday!! Managed to plan that one out and I must say that it was not as bad as I thought it would be. Like I said on my FB status, loads of Mamas but no Dramas. Haha! All well ends well I guess. Rain did give me a scare but it calmed down and allowed everyone to have a good time.
Need to get back to studying and hopefully something gets sticks. 12 chapters and only 3 questions. Why the fuck do Professors do this to us.
Wednesday, November 07, 2012
Sometimes I wish I could just not give a fuck.
Sometimes I don't fucking get how sleeping trumps me.
Still finding it hard to grapple with shit like that.
Still finding it hard to grapple with shit like that.
Friday, October 19, 2012
It's just one of those nights.
Out in Oklahoma now and it's freaking freezing! Work's been kinda tough but the company has been fantastic! Got alot of early mornings and late nights and to be honest it has been wearing me down. Probably because I've been slacking at the workplace.
My tummy's increasing in size and like I've mentioned in SOOO many posts, I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT!! If I don't I'm really gonna start suffering and that is not good for my performance.
Need to find focus. Focus in whatever I'm doing honestly. I'm really glad I'm working this guy who, though is younger, seems to be teaching quite a little bit about myself. I guess what I'm understanding now is my main reasons for being incompetent but to change it REALLY difficult. I feel soo out of place and again, it makes me reflect on myself as a soldier, as a leader and as a person. There's soo much for me to learn but it seems that I'm unable to retain most of it. I blame it on human nature and even if it IS my fault, screw it, I'm still blaming mother nature.
But I've done a few things right and I'm proud of myself but somehow I just feel I should be doing more. And the fact that I know I'm not doing enough and not doing anything about it is disappointing. Ah screw it, its just one of those nights.
My tummy's increasing in size and like I've mentioned in SOOO many posts, I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT!! If I don't I'm really gonna start suffering and that is not good for my performance.
Need to find focus. Focus in whatever I'm doing honestly. I'm really glad I'm working this guy who, though is younger, seems to be teaching quite a little bit about myself. I guess what I'm understanding now is my main reasons for being incompetent but to change it REALLY difficult. I feel soo out of place and again, it makes me reflect on myself as a soldier, as a leader and as a person. There's soo much for me to learn but it seems that I'm unable to retain most of it. I blame it on human nature and even if it IS my fault, screw it, I'm still blaming mother nature.
But I've done a few things right and I'm proud of myself but somehow I just feel I should be doing more. And the fact that I know I'm not doing enough and not doing anything about it is disappointing. Ah screw it, its just one of those nights.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Verge of giving up.
I'm at the verge. I don't know why or how I got here but I am. Ok, maybe I DO know how but why. Why suddenly decide that I'm tired and even though we've been through soo much, I don't see the point in pushing on.
Maybe it's the HUGE change in both our characters and directions that has woken me up. Maybe it's the fact that sometimes, even though I don't want it to, it IS awkward to meet. I never wanted it to be that way. Never. But the void I feel, it is something I'm creating? I don't feel that way ya know. It somehow makes me feel as though I'm the one that needs this and I guess it's just simply frustrating me.
What's making me hold on are the fine threads that link back to memories and times of hardship that I hold onto soo dearly. But is that the point when it's not the same anymore? I wonder if.... Ah, I guess we'll just go on this way. No choice.
I gotta be up at 6 and here I am writing this. I miss what we had. And I don't want to let go of it but for now, it just feels better to go on and let it be. Knowing that all our lives are filled and you probably have you life planned out is good enough for me. I'm always a call away. Always.
And now I begin to freak out because I have no idea how late I'll be for work. Fuck.
Maybe it's the HUGE change in both our characters and directions that has woken me up. Maybe it's the fact that sometimes, even though I don't want it to, it IS awkward to meet. I never wanted it to be that way. Never. But the void I feel, it is something I'm creating? I don't feel that way ya know. It somehow makes me feel as though I'm the one that needs this and I guess it's just simply frustrating me.
What's making me hold on are the fine threads that link back to memories and times of hardship that I hold onto soo dearly. But is that the point when it's not the same anymore? I wonder if.... Ah, I guess we'll just go on this way. No choice.
I gotta be up at 6 and here I am writing this. I miss what we had. And I don't want to let go of it but for now, it just feels better to go on and let it be. Knowing that all our lives are filled and you probably have you life planned out is good enough for me. I'm always a call away. Always.
And now I begin to freak out because I have no idea how late I'll be for work. Fuck.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
3...2...1.. Self-Destruct.
Trying to think back from what happened between August 1st and now is actually a short time but it seems like ALOT has happened.
Most importantly, there was the 3rd Anniversary of my amazing relationship with my soulmate, Rachel. It was simple but I liked how it turned out. Major credit goes to Tash and Vas for helping me set up the whole thing as well as teaching me how to cook! Yes, I've never done that before and I must say that Vas was an amazing teacher.
There was MBC where I learnt soo much and that was amazing too. I got my wings back and that was an over the top feeling. Rachel's enrolled for school and gone for her checkup. I'll be going to the States soon so I've been preparing for that. Assignements for UniSIM is crazyyyy but somehow I managed to pull most of it off.
I don't even know why the hell I'm up at this time because I'm the duty officer AND I'll be conducting Life Run. Guess this is where I move into the title of my post.
I took a break and didn't continue writing simply because I was tired. And procrastinating big time. Again, it's the procrastination that is killing me. I need to find a way for me to overcome that, one way or another or else I'm always gonna feel as though I'm living my life half empty. I need to focus on getting myself to bed on time as well so that I stop oversleeping. God I need to do something to change!!
Death has been around my street recently with Nash's dad passing, one of my men's mother passing as well as the wife of my Wing commander. It should be a time of reflection and time for my to take stock of where I've been and how far I've come but I'm waaay too busy. I mean I can barely even finish writing up a post without being distracted by somethingelse.
WV is doing good and I really want it to soar. I know it will be I guess I'm just getting a little impatient. I need to understand that success doesn't just happen overnight but hey, a cycle every week would be pretty nice and it would help wus with being a little more comfortable.
I guess my post is kinda going all over the place today just like my thoughts. Waay too much on my mind and just not the right environment for all of it to pour out. Oh crap I'm getting tired again. I'll end it here for now. Till next time.
Most importantly, there was the 3rd Anniversary of my amazing relationship with my soulmate, Rachel. It was simple but I liked how it turned out. Major credit goes to Tash and Vas for helping me set up the whole thing as well as teaching me how to cook! Yes, I've never done that before and I must say that Vas was an amazing teacher.
There was MBC where I learnt soo much and that was amazing too. I got my wings back and that was an over the top feeling. Rachel's enrolled for school and gone for her checkup. I'll be going to the States soon so I've been preparing for that. Assignements for UniSIM is crazyyyy but somehow I managed to pull most of it off.
I don't even know why the hell I'm up at this time because I'm the duty officer AND I'll be conducting Life Run. Guess this is where I move into the title of my post.
I took a break and didn't continue writing simply because I was tired. And procrastinating big time. Again, it's the procrastination that is killing me. I need to find a way for me to overcome that, one way or another or else I'm always gonna feel as though I'm living my life half empty. I need to focus on getting myself to bed on time as well so that I stop oversleeping. God I need to do something to change!!
Death has been around my street recently with Nash's dad passing, one of my men's mother passing as well as the wife of my Wing commander. It should be a time of reflection and time for my to take stock of where I've been and how far I've come but I'm waaay too busy. I mean I can barely even finish writing up a post without being distracted by somethingelse.
WV is doing good and I really want it to soar. I know it will be I guess I'm just getting a little impatient. I need to understand that success doesn't just happen overnight but hey, a cycle every week would be pretty nice and it would help wus with being a little more comfortable.
I guess my post is kinda going all over the place today just like my thoughts. Waay too much on my mind and just not the right environment for all of it to pour out. Oh crap I'm getting tired again. I'll end it here for now. Till next time.
Wednesday, August 01, 2012
Fuckin' Disappointed.
I feel I'm losing myself. I feel that I have soo much on my mind that I wanna just stop it all and take time off from it all. I'm tired of being unable to not live up to the expectations of others, but my own.
I've changed. There's no doubt about that. But instead of thrive with it, I'm deteriorating. I'm burning away to the shell of who I used to be.
I'm just fuckin' disappointed with myself. I don't get how I was soo motivated last year, doing soo much more last year and still being able to get it all done. This year? I'm just wasting away, tired all the time and simply motivated on something else.
Ah, it's just a stupid night. I got my files deleted totally due to my carelessness. I'm simply treating my superiors like my friggin' peers and I don't feel that I did anything substantial this year except waste ALOT of money.
That's another thing. I'm taking cabs like no fuckin tomorrow. I think I need a slap to wake up and stop the nonsense. I'm supposed to be focused on the more important things in life. And I'm supposed to be saving all this money for that. I need to stop thinking everything is gonna work out for me and put more effort into it.
I guess I just gotta hope it's not too late.
I've changed. There's no doubt about that. But instead of thrive with it, I'm deteriorating. I'm burning away to the shell of who I used to be.
I'm just fuckin' disappointed with myself. I don't get how I was soo motivated last year, doing soo much more last year and still being able to get it all done. This year? I'm just wasting away, tired all the time and simply motivated on something else.
Ah, it's just a stupid night. I got my files deleted totally due to my carelessness. I'm simply treating my superiors like my friggin' peers and I don't feel that I did anything substantial this year except waste ALOT of money.
That's another thing. I'm taking cabs like no fuckin tomorrow. I think I need a slap to wake up and stop the nonsense. I'm supposed to be focused on the more important things in life. And I'm supposed to be saving all this money for that. I need to stop thinking everything is gonna work out for me and put more effort into it.
I guess I just gotta hope it's not too late.
Tuesday, June 05, 2012
The fleeting thought...
I love how my blog is public and yet has no traffic. I mean I guess I've always silently hoped that someone somewhere is reading it but I guess there isn't. Sad ah. But why? I watch House and I noticed how he is somehow able to analyse someone just based on what they say and what they're actions are.
Duh! That's how you normally judge a person but he does it with such accuracy that it constantly leaves me dumbfounded. Who the hell am I kidding? It's a fucking tv show for god's sake. Nonetheless, I really don't know who I am or even what I'm meant to do here. I have dreams, yes, and I have a direction but sometimes I ask myself if I'm more than that. Why do I not want to change the world? Why don't I feel the obligation to do charity work? I'm in a world where I know many of things I do affect the Earth and again the acts of conservation but yet I do them anyway. Why?
Why do i feel compelled to help out in my friend's problems and figure that I don't have any? Why do I feel that the way I rationalise with things is the RIGHT way to rationalise? I do. Really. And as I type all this down I ask myself fundamentally, will any of this even make me consider changing the person I am?
I don't know.
I need feedback. I don't know if I'm alright or annoying or simply fucking stuck up. I don't know if I choose not to care on purpose or simply because it's too much of hassle. Volunteerism's just not a part of my vocabulary because I feel I need to accomplish my goals before I can even bother about those less fortunate? Selfish? I agree but as I type this, nothing. I don't feel it's wrong at all.
What's become of me? I wonder where that emotionally-driven young man has gone. And what has filled this shell that man has left behind. I guess it's back to mirror for some more reflection. Oh wait, I've got better things to do.
Duh! That's how you normally judge a person but he does it with such accuracy that it constantly leaves me dumbfounded. Who the hell am I kidding? It's a fucking tv show for god's sake. Nonetheless, I really don't know who I am or even what I'm meant to do here. I have dreams, yes, and I have a direction but sometimes I ask myself if I'm more than that. Why do I not want to change the world? Why don't I feel the obligation to do charity work? I'm in a world where I know many of things I do affect the Earth and again the acts of conservation but yet I do them anyway. Why?
Why do i feel compelled to help out in my friend's problems and figure that I don't have any? Why do I feel that the way I rationalise with things is the RIGHT way to rationalise? I do. Really. And as I type all this down I ask myself fundamentally, will any of this even make me consider changing the person I am?
I don't know.
I need feedback. I don't know if I'm alright or annoying or simply fucking stuck up. I don't know if I choose not to care on purpose or simply because it's too much of hassle. Volunteerism's just not a part of my vocabulary because I feel I need to accomplish my goals before I can even bother about those less fortunate? Selfish? I agree but as I type this, nothing. I don't feel it's wrong at all.
What's become of me? I wonder where that emotionally-driven young man has gone. And what has filled this shell that man has left behind. I guess it's back to mirror for some more reflection. Oh wait, I've got better things to do.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Halt, high kneel, look how far you've come.
Wild Ones - Flo-Rida ft. Sia
Woah. Again I've waited waaay too long to update but I'll do what I can to recollect everything that has happened since January.
First off, I'm part of this amazing travel club called World Ventures which I hope to allow me to make some passive income. It's a dream but I'm doing what I can to make it fly. Well not yet but eventually I will. For now, I need to concentrate on my first exams for my degree. Damn son. I haven't even hit the books yet and it's like 2 weeks to my paper. And trust me, there's a HELL LOT to cover. I hope I somehow manage to will myself to get down to studying or else I'll pretty much be wasting all my hard earned money.
Well I must say that I've had a few accomplishments that I can record down to the year 2012. I did pretty well in my performance ranking so I must thank my superiors for that. I mean, I did screw up by mess around with the system and also by literally screwing p tasks that were handed down to me but overall I think I did pretty alright. I'm just glad that in my first year with my workplace that my efforts have been recognised and this is a pretty good start. I also managed to top on of the knowledge tests given to us every year. Shocking but very true! I did study for it but I honestly did not expect to top it. Maybe lady luck's on my side. =)
Me and Rach are doing fine. I'm soo proud of the fact that she the top student of her course in ITE and though she says it's not a big deal, to me it is. I mean, I sacrificed quite a bit and made sure she never had to work so she only had to concentrate in her studies and this came about. It just makes it all worth it you know.
Now that I've gotten a chance to look back, I've come to realise that the first quarter of 2012 hasn't been too bad. Let's see how the next quarter sets up. Also realised that this post has nothing reflective. Do they all have to be? Sometimes just a recap's enough to help me out. =)
P.s, Katy Perry in a Marines' uniform is CRRAZZZZZZZZZZZYYYYYYYYYY HOT. I just HAD to say that. Hahaha!
Woah. Again I've waited waaay too long to update but I'll do what I can to recollect everything that has happened since January.
First off, I'm part of this amazing travel club called World Ventures which I hope to allow me to make some passive income. It's a dream but I'm doing what I can to make it fly. Well not yet but eventually I will. For now, I need to concentrate on my first exams for my degree. Damn son. I haven't even hit the books yet and it's like 2 weeks to my paper. And trust me, there's a HELL LOT to cover. I hope I somehow manage to will myself to get down to studying or else I'll pretty much be wasting all my hard earned money.
Well I must say that I've had a few accomplishments that I can record down to the year 2012. I did pretty well in my performance ranking so I must thank my superiors for that. I mean, I did screw up by mess around with the system and also by literally screwing p tasks that were handed down to me but overall I think I did pretty alright. I'm just glad that in my first year with my workplace that my efforts have been recognised and this is a pretty good start. I also managed to top on of the knowledge tests given to us every year. Shocking but very true! I did study for it but I honestly did not expect to top it. Maybe lady luck's on my side. =)
Me and Rach are doing fine. I'm soo proud of the fact that she the top student of her course in ITE and though she says it's not a big deal, to me it is. I mean, I sacrificed quite a bit and made sure she never had to work so she only had to concentrate in her studies and this came about. It just makes it all worth it you know.
Now that I've gotten a chance to look back, I've come to realise that the first quarter of 2012 hasn't been too bad. Let's see how the next quarter sets up. Also realised that this post has nothing reflective. Do they all have to be? Sometimes just a recap's enough to help me out. =)
P.s, Katy Perry in a Marines' uniform is CRRAZZZZZZZZZZZYYYYYYYYYY HOT. I just HAD to say that. Hahaha!
Sunday, January 01, 2012
Happy New Year.
Titanium - David Guetta Feat. Sia
Happy New Year to one and all. Yep, we made it to 2012 and all I'm saying is that this year, I wanna drink less, make more of myself and not die. Well hey, if it is the end of the world then I guess I won't be able to fulfill my last resolution.
Raise your glass for all that happened in 2011 and drink fast because 2012 is gonna be crazy. =)
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