Right Round- Flo Rida

Not now but maybe in the future, i said. i'm selfish.

i don't love her, don't leave we can work. i'm selfish.

i wanna stay because i enjoy spending time with you. yes, i AM selfish.

i need to be away from myself. i'm soo tired of going through my emotional circus that i just wanna slip off the tight rope and fall to my end. i need to find an end to this mayhem.

my only obvious solution? National Service.

i felt a glimpse of my starry sky, or did i?

gives you hell- all american rejects

i dropped it. i let it go. it was following the sae pattern as before.
no hope in it. no believe. no reassurance that it'll be all okay.

scared and confused, i do not blame the other party. like i said before:
it's my time to suffer.

WRS soccer tournament today!! argh!! and we didn't even pass the damn group stages!! i hate this know!! argh!!! but oh well, i guess the other teams were WAAAAAAY too awesome. haha! at least i got a chance to win a few matched and even scored a few.

there was a this one fluke that was soo awesome!! left foot lob, skims the top netting and enters the top right corner!! nice nice! heh!

at least there's some positivity to losing. i actually feel reiyana and ain from pano are damn damn cool people. maybe i'm always give this persona of being stuck up. shit. i have that thing about me and i don't blame others for it. i pretend to have no confidence when actually i'm over confident. ahhh... it's just me...

and in the noon we had a little outdoor camp at sembawang with the kids from si ling primary! they were seriously adorable and i thoroughly enjoyed it! plus rini was there so yea, it was a plus. and tim and i were running the sand castling thing together and it was AWESOME!! the kids loved it! or i hope they did. no i don't care, THEY DID! haha!

after reading this post, i get a feeling that inside, i'm really messed up emotionally. like seriously. this post suddenly interests. plus it's the first time i blogged the moment i turned on my computer. re-instating my blog might not be such a bad idea after all.

looking out and i don't see that starry sky, i wonder...

nothingness of my room- unknown

fuck, i got myself into a hole i did not want to dig.
i'm losing it.
i'm not stable anymore.
i need to fucking get these thoughts out of my head.
why oh why do i have to be like this.

maybe this is the point of my life where i'm getting what i deserve. after all the good god has given me, it's about time that i suffer.
i deserve this.

Sooner or Later- N.E.R.D

i thought of it. i thought of you. and mostly, i thought of me.

it wasn't as bad as it was a few days ago. i see myself slowing gain composure. i'm sure. i need to move on and let you do your own thing. i can't be involved all the time.

but nonetheless, i'll always be a friends if you're ever in need of one. thank you for the memories.

today was a worthless day spent sleeping and lousy football. i hope it doesn't blow over to the match happening later. hell, i feel the pressure because winning this one would mean that the BPL title would be within our grasp!!!

c'mon lads, gimme something to cheer about!!!

i watched as fulham demolished manchester yesterday and you know what, i think i'm secretly a fulham fan as well. or maybe i just REALLY hate man u. hahaha!!!

have i mentioned yesterday was like a dream? thank you dear!!=)

I just had to add this in. Torres, be inspired and score two tonight.

let there be a rain of goals this starry night=)

Insomnia- Craig David

OH MY GOD!!!

hahaha! i just had to start that way because today, while taking the train back home, i saw it. yes, i saw a RAINBOW!!!!!

i know i sound fucking gay but after what i said yesterday, it's just too coincidental not to talk about. i was smiling like a fool on board the train. and i have to duly thank this old couple that realized it. and the best part, THEY SPOKE IN ENGLISH!! so i could totally hear the old lady say, "ey look! it's a rainbow."

i immediately like lowered my head and there it was. right after the clementi station. it was pointing 90 degrees up to the sky with a slight curve as it touched the sky. the colours were soo vibrant that i could different all the seven colours. yes, even indigo and violet.

it was beautiful. just like the day i had.

thank you soo much for it dear.=) you read my thoughts and made today possible. i couldn't be any happier.

starry sky, take care of that rainbow for me. it's special.

Mad- Neyo

Anger. Hatred. Angst. Disgust. Fed up. Finished.

i can't care anymore. stop nigel stop. why am i soo affected? tell me god. why can't i just make a decision and stick to it. it was easy at first. i was sure. i was steadfast. no remorse and i did it with pure conviction.

now, all i'm left with is a hollow chest. filled with nothing. a dark nothingness. no wait. there is something there. selfishness. wanting all that i can't have. you know, i don't wanna regret but i deserve it. i need to. or else i'll just keep ignoring it and it's gonna build up. i can't do this to anyone else. i need to pull away. or should i?

should i give it a chance? just how good it's gonna be i can never tell can i?

fuck. i think i'm burning up because there is someone out there that can treat her better than i can. god, my ego is unbelievable. my character is unbelievable.

i need to grow up.

today i experienced sunny rain=)

ummm.. it's cool for me because i've been wanting to see a rainbow for a long time. i still didn't get a chance to see one but still walking in the rain is pretty cool. i liked it loads=)

yesterday we had soccer practice at fico and it was awesome! too bad there aren't any photos. and yes, like my facebook comment, i was over the moon with my performance. it was good. REALLY GOOD! hahahah! really proud of myself that i was able to last for like an hour 45mins playing so yea=)

well i know i'm never gonna catch a rainbow anytime soon so here goes:

Awesome=)

have a good one starry sky...

Thinking of You- Kate Perry

finally. i see initiative. i see the need and some want to be with me. maybe she finally got it, maybe she's finally realizing that i'm not gonna put in all the effort to make it work or else it'll just be going back to square 1. oh well.

i liked it. i felt like this might be something different but something's bugging at me to not count my chicks before they hatch. something constantly nips at me to hold back and not put everything into it. getting tired before getting anything started is not a smart thing to do. oh well.

after a long time today i also got hurt and it just made me feel like, i don't know. maybe it's just today. i kinda looking forward to what tomorrow brings. oh well.

well i had 2 freaking tours today which was half awesome and half annoying because both tours kept making stops at random places to take PHOTOS!!! i don't get this stupid photo thing really.

(asks me stop in front of a tree)
Dad: ok boy boy stand there.
Boy: but got no bird what!!
Dad: nevermind, i never take photo of you yet. just stand there!!!

the boy stands there, dad takes the photo and this happens randomly as we tour. NEVER AT A NORMAL SPOT WHERE ALL THE BIRDS ARE!!!

two words come to mind for this guy. parenting genius. way to go to make you son feel special whereas for his daughters, he's snapping away like no tomorrow while the son just wanders off to entertain himself. sad ey?

moving on, i got a $10 from the second tour so that made things a little better i guess=) played soccer with guys and rach got discharged from the hospital so thank you god!!=)

a mediocre day for mediocre me. sweet.

keep on shinnin' starry sky.

Jai Ho- A R Rahman

i'm occupied, i'm looking forward, i'm ready. ok. maybe not. but i still wanna live the single life. i love how its going right now and maybe i just need to adapt to it.

adapt. how does one adapt when basically my whole world used to surround the fact that i sucumb to the needs of others. whether i still do it or not is a question i constantly ask myself without a response. my need to make people around me can comsume my inner most desires and maybe that's why i feel like i'm giving up soo much.

oh fuck. i've not shut my eyes for more than 10mins in 28hours. i strongly suggest ignoring whatever i wrote. i'm probably ranting utter nonsense.

i hate PCD's version of Jai Ho. I mean, it has quite a beat but they fuck up the pronounciation and i feel that just throws away the whole song altogether. just an opinion.

my last day with the rascals from Poi Ching primary today and it was still a disaster. every 5 mins i felt a sudden urge to strangle the pupils that i was taking under my care. scary.

but in the end it came down all ok and 6F, my class of course, came in second!! awesome guys! great job! freaky part was when they started asking for my number. yes you read that right, N-U-M-B-E-R!! these guys were freaking primary 6 and so confidently they just asked for our personal details. culture shock for me, seriously.

i passed them my email instead and we'll see how it goes from there.

thing i cant get over, THEY HAVE BETTER HANDPHONES THAN I DO!!!!!! wth. i'm even out-classed by 12 year olds. life of the rich and famous? sure.........

take me through this night starry sky........

Break Even- The Script

one night i came home, i sat down watched tv, and i thought. i didn't stop thinking till i found myself. the moral? i'm still thinking.

i dont get it what comes over me when i struck with both of you. i don't get how i can be confused yet soo sure at the same time. no wait scratch that freaking last line. i just fuckin confused. no true answer, no surety, no real judgement.

a complex bastard with only himself in mind. i need to move away. like i heard, 'it's not fair for any of us, it's just not fair.'

Question is, will i change?

Today was a change. a breath of fresh air. a within 5 mins of starting, my air suddenly turned stale and it became hard to breathe. i am a person with a goal of being a father before i die and heed me when i say,

KIDS IN PRIMARY SCHOOL ARE NOT WHO YOU THINK THEY ARE!!

They're not kids. no no no no no no NO! they're monsters from an inter-galactic dimension that reaches earth at 8am and terrorizes teachers all the way till 5pm before returning back to where ever they came from to create more HAVOC!!!

ok, maybe they're not all like that but yea, my experience today thought me that as i parent, i gotta instill some values into my kids because seriously, the kids of our present era? not exactly angels. i have never gone straight to bed after work before and this time, i did.

well angels or demons, i'm going back there tomorrow to show them who's boss! 7.30am sharp!

wish me luck starry sky=)

Heartless- Kanye West

as i lean closer my heart rate increases and all i see are the joyful pieces, how come its like that all the time? it doesn't who but once there, it rises up and bursts just like a flare. i just dont get my feelings and sometimes i just fall back on the fact the at we want different things.

most of all, i think its just me that wants it different. maybe it's the pressure of NS? maybe i'm just worried that i've not lived out my youth to its maximum potential? but isn't living life to its best mean that i am happy? am i happy?

oh fuck it, i have no feelings seriously, just like the songs, i soo damn fucking heartless.

4-1
Fernando Torres, Steven Gerard(Penalty), Fabio Aurielo, Andrea Dossena
Old Trafford

Need i say anymore? In 17 years, Manchester United has never suffered such a defeat. Moreover, by thier arch enemies, Liverpool. A night to remember, a victory that will go down in the history books.

It's never been better to be apart of the KOP=)

have a blessed night starry sky....

sober- pink

each line a drag, each post a stab. I wonder why i even face myself up to doing it.

it's weird, even though i'm soo sure i don't feel the same way i did before. yet, i when i cower back to my bed, i realise that everything's ok and i shouldn't feel this way.

think nigel think. what the heck is going through your mind when you step pass those lines. whatever i do, i better think fast or hearts are gonna shatter again. why oh why does the mind turn fickle at junctions that could mean go on or never again.

be positive. resort to wishful thinking. it's gonna be another long night.

my day was good though. met her =) played soccer =) and hopefully i'll get to meet the guys later. awesome!! i hope i can actually still make it for work. heh!

i'm out! sweet dreams starry sky=)

touched up my blog abit. it's the little things i do when i'm suffering from insomnia.

Finally got a day off tomorrow! i wonder how's it gonna be. and i wonder whether i'll continue writing tomorrow. well i guess i just gotta wait for tomorrow to come by no won't i? heh!

today's dinner with the gang was awesome! i was noisy as usual but somehow, i felt the feeling that i once had when i was at starbucks. another family? maybe. once again, we'll see how it goes.

procrastination is the object of subjectivity for me. whether i do or don't, i guess we'll have to see how my story unfolds yea?

good night starry sky.

broken strings- james morrison and nelly furtado

well when you finally want to vent all you have out.. how do you condense the the past few weeks of your life into a single entry?

or do you just say exactly what your heart feels now?

the point is that there is no point at all to begin to with. So why did i choose to do this in the first place?

because i need somewhere to say something and this is the first place i decided to find shelter.

every part of me is telling me that this is wrong and this is waaay to childish but fuck that, i'll do it anyways.

i want to change, i need to change. but my will is weak and my heart's turned to stone.

all i have is nothing and yet, all around me feel like i have everything.

i am not the man you think i am, i'm just me.

i'm sorry.