Stuck in reverse.

I feel I need to get myself out of this rut of going out, drinking my face off and then doing it the following week. Not only is not healthy, it burns a fucking hole in my pocket.

Yes, that's the Indian in me talking. But in all honesty, I think I'm done with that phase because I want to be. I know it's not good for me and what I'm doing while drinking is starting to tell me that very soon, I'll hazard and I'm probably hurt someone or myself. To continue on that path will just mean losing myself. And that's the last thing I want.

I wanna be focused on the other aspects of my life as well. So I need to stop looking for someone to take Rachel's spot and stop drinking and just heal myself.

I like how Paul put it yesterday night. There a difference between saying you can live without her and that you're ok that she's not around anymore. It hit me pretty hard and I guess this phase has been about the prior. I need to work on healing myself.

The frustration of thinking about what the future could've been holds me back a little and I'm sure what I need is time. Something that I always seem to tell myself I don't have enough of. It's amazing the way I put myself through denial. Haha!

Well that's it for now. I like that the views for my blog is increasing and I know that re are the few out there who do read it. Please, if you have comments, do drop them as you wish. If I'm not wrong you chose to remain anonymous as well and if it's productive feedback, I don't see why not. :)

Let's hope next week's gonna be better.