Lazy Bitch.

Hangover - Taio Cruz

I wanna partay. All the fuckin time and I think it's crazy but the feeling is waaay too good to pass up. Oh god I think I was born to party. My nickname? The Golden Retriever. HAHAHHAHA! I'm definitely gonna be laughing to myself when I read this back. Ah the times.

Well I spent my off day doing completely NOTHING. And it was TORTURE. No seriously. I felt like a useless and worthless pile of trash. It was insane la tell you. Think I'm still at that age where I don't wanna laze around and waste my day. The sleep was good, don't get me wrong. LOL!

Well at least I got the chance to play Vista and that was pretty awesome. Was there early and saw some kids kickin' about and there in one team were brothers. The other were two friends but it was when the brothers that stole my attention. The way they were communicating, passing and arguing who should be doing what. The passion. I miss that. Once upon a time, there was a brother's cup that was coveted by Vik, muhes, my brother and I. Those were simpler times. When everything was a about was was better in soccer and nothing else mattered. And whatever happened, we always remained close.

What happened to that? Sometimes it makes me feel that maturing is more like hating than anything else. I ever had problems with making friends in primary and secondary school but things have changed soo much now. I get pissed and I just do whatever I want.

I want to say that I don't like who I am now but I only have myself to blame for who I am. Fuck.

Just a thought.

100 years - Five for Fighting

Its that moment. Yes, when you're staring into blank space and you just begin to think about all you've done till now. C'mon, don't lie to yourself, you know you've had it. Be it once or twice or countless times, you know what I'm talking about.

Weirdly enough, I must say this is quite a fitting song to be listening to. Heh! Well well, here I am in the States. Never thought I'd actually get here for free but hey, I'm not complaining. Though next time, I'd like to be here to take a real holiday. And hopefully it'll be with my baby girl. That'll be nice. No worries about where I am with her. No complains. Except that I miss her too much. In fact I worry I maybe a little dependent her. More than I'd like but know her, it's exactly what she wants. Rachel's like that. She's pure and the only thing she wants is to make me happy. I know it. Best part? She doesn't go out of her way. I know that sounds stupid but when you think about it, it's those extravagant notions of love that makes one partner feel out of place. Simply because to reciprocate would be impossible. That was she does for me. She makes me feel that I meant to be there, beside her, always.

She is the best thing that's happened to me till now. Of that I'm sure. =)

On other aspects, I'm a little disappointed. But I think out of that I've learnt a very painful truth. My friends still can't seem to agree with each other and it's caused problems between them. This means that my family's split. I can't believe I'm saying it but I'm done. I'm too tired. And as much as I hate it to admit it, I tried everything and failed. Social media has triumphed once again. Not has it rocked the world wide web as we know it but it's also cause my family to split. I believe a lot of this could be avoided without social media. Nothing would change their personalities but I feel that social media hastened the split.

And the lesson I've learnt? Just like how ordinary families see parent separate, kids leave the home and relatives unable to agree with other, I guess I must deal with the fact that my perfect family will no longer be one solid structure.

How is this going to affect our lives is something I have to leave to fate. I tried my best but with the number of times this has occured, I know it's out of my hands. As ridiculous as it sounds, all I can do is HOPE for things to be fine.

Argh, I hate this. 15 days till I'm home.

Hell yeah!! I think..

piped music from mac's at northpoint.

well well. the day's finally come when i making my way to the states. hell, i never thought i'd be doing it soo soon and alone but wth.. i'm heading there for free!!

honestly, i'm scared but soo freakin excited at the same time. i also hate the fact that i gotta leave her and my loved ones for a whole month for for a chance to see the states, i think the sacrifice is worth it:) damn, the states. finally!!:)

do forgive me for the annoying feeling you're getting for my lack of capitalising the letter that should be. my phone's being retarded as usual.

Messed Up

The frustration I have is selfish, shallow and sickens me to my stomach. But... I cannot ignore it.

I hate this part right here.

Oh gawd damn.

Fireball - Dev

Woah. Been ages since I last wrote ey. Maaan. And with no surprise, I have no fuckin idea where I should start. Hmmmm..

Well actually, now that I think about it, I should be an NSman by now but hey, no regrets. My 1 year anniversary just passed as an officer and I'm still loving everyday of it. I mean, I'm doing a hell lot of extras but as I said before, I knew what I was getting myself into when I did what I did and I feel that as long as I think positively, I know I'll make it through this just fine. Thank god for all those super vigilant Armskote ICs that saved my ass countless of times. Heh!

Well, on the note of positivity, I'm honestly happy where I am in life and how much has changed with the situation of my friends and everything else la. I mean everything is good but there's still something that eating at me. Dev. I feel like he's crumbling and I'm not there for him. Work isn't helping because now is insane crunch time and there's like too much to freaking do and think about la. It's annoying but that's just how it is. I hate complaining but I guess besides my friends, this is my only outlet. I want to make things better for him but he being who he is isn't trying to listen at all. And I know what he's going through at work is not helping at all. Damn. I wish I can say I understand him but honestly, I can't.

Today I told one of my men, who is also a good friend, something that even surprised me. I told him that I'd rather solve other people's problems rather than my own. He said it's a good thing because it means I put others before myself. I disagreed and said no, I'm no angel nor am I am trying to make myself one. I just feel like it's much easier to involve myself in other people's issues to make it seem as though I have none of my own. Ignorance is bliss? I'd like to be politically correct but honestly, I have no solid opinion.

Rest.

I'm up, you sleep.

I wanna head to bed you say you wanna study and then head to bed.

NICE.

Rejected.

Never gonna leave this bed - Maroon 5

First the extras and now mum calls me to say that SMU has sent the letter saying that I've been rejected but hey, they do wish me the best for my future. Two smacks in a month. Yes, MY BIRTHDAY MONTH.

What future do I have if I don't get my ass into a Uni you tell me. FUCK.

But I must admit, I have been prepping myself to receive this because no matter what, I knew I didn't make the cut but I did whatever I could less a recommendation from my CO. Still, not even an interview? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

I guess it's down to plan B now. Part time Uni-SIM. Now all I need is the window to do my night classes. Probably need to start to talking to people about that. Annoying that I can't talk about work here but hey, what needs to be done must be done. It's ok though. I have avenues I can resort to for this.

Listening to some people, I'm soo close to getting a loan to get me into a private Uni here to just simply get my pay grade up. That might be another choice but I reckon I should talk to the people at my place to where it's recognised. Sekali get the fucking degree and they're like, sorry but your pay grade's gonna stay the same. Then, I'll truly be fucked.

Wish me luck. Though sometimes, I feel I need more than that.

21.

Top of the World - The Cataracs

Fucked up. Got 21 for my staying out but I'm ok with it. Felt that somehow, someway, I did what I set out to do and I pray she feels it to. I know I did what was right because there's no way anyone would give me what I, what we needed, unless I told them everything which is something I'd never contemplate doing. Period.

Besides that, stuff at work is good and that's probably the most I can say. LOL! Rachel's been an angel and she's doing pretty good in school. I managed to get everything I've wanted so far but there's much much more to work for. So case in point, I can't stop pushing myself. Gotta work out for BAC and hit the books for my undergraduate program thingy. Sounds lie uni entry but I promise you, it isn't. LOL! It's only 8 weeks long thing but apparently it's pretty awesome.

Kinda sinking in that I'm probably not gonna get the call from SMU. I mean, I honestly felt I did my best but you know, results are results. I fucked up in Poly and I guess I'm paying for it now. But c'mon, you know me, I've got a plan B. It's pretty crazy and gonna take me sometime but I'm going to do it. Yep, part-time degree. I mean it ain't easy and it sure as hell isn't full fledged but I'm gonna go ahead and work that option out if SMU doesn't call. I can't afford to waste anymore time. Every year wasted is a year my life goals get pushed back.

Marrying her and crossed my mind countless times this week and yes, it's waaaaay before I got caught for staying out. Well, I didn't ACTUALLY got caught. But hey, who's keeping score right? Back to it, I want our wedding to be kickass. And I want the proposal to be kickass too. She deserves it. And so do I. Shocking that I'm selfish? I know of a couple of people that wouldn't be.

Loner.

I've always been okay around people and making friends has never been an issue

But somehow I just don't fit in now and yes, it bugs me a whole lot.

Wtf I am doing wrong?

Relevance vs Change

More - Usher

It was like an epiphany. Hit me yesterday while I was just sparing myself sometime to think.

The need to be relevant and the change that comes with it.

Why this even came to mind is a wonder but I guess it just came while I was thinking about work and whether I was missing a lot while I'm on MC. Things like that worry me and sometimes I feel that's gonna make me a workaholic. But then again I'm a fucking slacker and everyone knows that so I think I'll be fine. Moving on.

Everyone gets that in order to stay relevant to the times of today, we need to make changes in the way we live life, the way we wear our clothes etc. so that we don't fall out of the loop. That is what life is like to me. A loop. But it's an ever changing loop that if you take a step back, reoccurs every few years. But that's just me. But IF that's true then why bother changing at all.

Sometimes, I feel it's our NEED to stay relevant and that's why we end up changing ourselves and the way we live life. The need to stay relevant IS our way of life and we're sucked into this never ending vortex because of all the influences and avenues by which change is portrayed to be the way to live life. Think about it, life was never this way before the internet, agreed?

Now, if what I wrote is hypothetically true, then is it not possible that it could be our NEED to be relevant that changes arises. Which means that we create the change just so we have something to be relevant to. So did change come first or the need to be relevant? Maybe I'm comparing apples with oranges but I'd figure otherwise.

Probably it's just another attempt for me to rant. Well in that case, sorry to put you through that.

Tattoo

Bat Country - Avenged Sevenfold

Having on of those secondary school moments thus the reason for Ax7. Heh!

Anyways, as far as I can remember, I've always wanted to get a tattoo and on my shoulder blade but I never knew exactly what I wanted. Now I'm sure and I'm gonna get it on the 23rd muthafuckers!!

The setback? $950!! I almost flipped when I heard the price. But I'll be fine I think. Not too sure about my friends and my mum though. Insane shit. But it's for life so yea, I've pretty much set my mind on it. The artist has like 15 years of history so basically, I'M STOKED.

Not sure if I'll get another but I'll definitely update once I get it. Sometimes I don't know why the fuck I do what I do but fuck it, I'll do it anyways. Life's too short.

Surgery!

Speak now - Taylor Swift

Don't blame me, Rach's selection. LOL!

Anyways, had my back surgery for the lipoma that was there. Basically, a lump of fat. LOL! Yes, I'm soo fat that, like a camel, I have to store it in back. LOL!

The camel thing only came to me today. Weird how my mind works. Well the op hurt like a bitch because trying to be a man, I opted for local anesthesia. Fucking bad idea. If you ever have to do an op, go for GA. The doc didn't place enough so while he was scraping out the fats, he hit a spot that was injucted with LA and eventually I shrieked. FUCKING PAIN. No no you don't get it. It MUTHA FUCKING HURT! But yeah, me being me just tried to tahan la and eventually, he just kept stabbing me with the LA every time I jerked. yes I know, this should be on FML.com. Heh!

Besides that, I got a 14 day MC of which I 'm only taking 2 days. Afraid I'd miss too much at work and plus being missing isn't a good thing especially at the start of my career, if I could call it that.

I hope it heals up in while. Planning to get my tattoo done next week and still contemplating on getting my off-road hardtail that costs like $700. Like I said, it's a plan. Let's see how it all pans out. Thanks for being here. I like doing this.

Stumped.

Do it like a dude - Jessie J

Need a break. Seriously.

I just want to run away because this bullshit is simply getting out of hand and it's not something that I want to deal with now. Just got to know that I might be posted out of my unit sooner than expected which is not something I'd like to happen anytime soon. FUCK. I want to go to the States with them and kinda stick around because I was just getting used to the life there and plus I was just starting to get a hang of how things ran in the unit.

Promotion's here but there's nothing to be happy about. I thought I'd be smiling and everything would be going my way but it's the opposite. And basically one external factor is constantly staring me down waiting for it's opportunity to pounce and knock me out when I'm already down.

I'm not going to let it. This is my written promise that will get up every time I'm down. I'm going to stare straight back it and succeed. I have people who believe and love me and only want me to reach greater heights. The most important factor? My baby girl.

But I just read her blog and honestly, I think I take her for granted. But mostly, I'm afraid. I'm too fucking ball-less to hear what's she going to say because I know that there's nothing I can do about it except let her know that I'm here for her. And even I truly know that that's not always possible.

This is one of those moments that you want a punching bag because you feel like you've been the punching bag for too long.

Need to bounce back before it engulfs me.

WTF

Sound of Letting Go- Dabid Guetta

How do you forgive someone?

No seriously. Explain this to me. I can't forgive myself for wtf I've done in my past and yet somehow, some people can just forgive themselves and act as though nothing has ever happened.

It baffles me at how fucking ignorant he is about this whole thing. And he just keeps going like nothing's ever happened. I'm fucking sick and tired of suffering because of him. I could be saving soo much more money right now. I should be concentrating on my future. Instead here I am wondering if my mum has enough money and whether the family will be fine. I hate was happened and I just needed a space to rant. Thank god I have here to do it.

I hate how it's affecting Rachel and sometimes I feel it affects us as well. Fuck. And I know I should do the right thing by always being there for her but sometimes I guess I just have the fucked up need to selfish. I guess a leopard really never changes its spots. I'm the same fucker that I was before and nothing has or ever will change.

Maybe it's not his fault. Maybe everything happens for a reason. Maybe it's just life letting me know that hey, you're a jackass so I'm being one to.

On a different note, I readied my stuff to for Uni Admissions. Doubt I'll get it with the way things are going now but hey, at least you can give me credit for trying. Or more like I'm giving myself credit for trying. Whatever, you get what I mean.

Well I've got a People Development lecture to attend tomorrow. Good luck with that. Night.

When you have a bad day...

Who's that Chick - Rihanna and my man, Guetta.

Fucked up. Past few days, I've been having bad days. As in not that pissed or anything but I just feel zoned out and not motivated to do anything. Actually the only times I feel like doing anything is when I'm exercising. I really want to lose weight la. I'm starting to look like a fat blob and it's not helping this bad day thing I'm having. But at least I enjoy running. Hmmm.. I also blame it on the fact that my fucking headphones aren't working and thus I'm not getting my daily fix of music which mostly starts my day off on a good foot. Argh. Stupid.

Anyways, I'm not supposed to be home but I am. Yes I know, wtf. All because I was trying to get my stuff for Uni settled and left my 11B in the fucking photocopier. Can someone spell genius? Yes, once again, not helping my bad day thing. But hey, I'm going to try to make this something positive and run from here to CAMP! Yes you read that right, from Sembawang to Khatib Camp now who's with me? HAHAHAHAHA! I honestly have no idea how the hell it's going to turn out but you know what? I'm excited!

At least with all this bad day shit, running still finds a way to place some excitement in my life. Fuck, there's something drastically wrong with me. Heh!

My Solace

Marry Me- Train

So we're happy. Really happy=) In my last post, I felt I left the present out of the picture completely. And hey, that's not right. Because most importantly, I failed to include the important part of my present, Rachel Anne Preece.

Also, thing with my mum is much better. As in it was all a big misunderstanding by all the parties involved. This includes my dad as well so yea, it's much better now so yea, I'm glad we like thrashed things out and hmmm, it was all good. Though the incident was brought up alot, I feel the only way to get over it maybe only by talking about it? I don't know but seriously, I want that to get out the way.

Rachel has been making life much easier to deal with and she's always there when I need a listening ear and of course it's vice versa. It's tough to be in an environment that is unfamiliar but having someone soo loving and caring and ADORABLE really helps with the situation. So without a doubt, we doing our best.

Kinda sucks that Dev and Ghazman are not in country. Really miss them already. Vik's birthday is coming soon so I wonder what we're gonna plan to surprise him. Heh! Can't wait! Well it's off to pick Rachel up from work and collect the PC from Lala's place.

You know what that means, more BEJEWELLED FOR ME!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!! Ok lame. Heh!

Closure?

Gettin Over You- David guetta and a hell lot of other people

So hey, I read Sarrah's blog pretty often and that's no surprise but something tells me she reads mine too! HAHA!!

Well basically it comes from her most recent post and I guess the purpose of why I never made this blog private in the first place is to actually get her to read it. Though once again I can't confirm that except through look at the referring sites of people who view my blog. Lata's blog is one of them and of course Sarrah reads her blog right? Maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong, bottom line is that she got word of my trouble and she's found closure .

That might sound really fucked up but to me it's good. Honestly, I contemplated texting her to wish her good luck and that karma has smacked me back in my face but I decided not to. It would only spoil her mood and probably cause her to hate me even more. Somehow I just felt tat things would just turn out that way.

I'm really okay with it. As in, I've always known that she's never forgiven me for being the bastard that I am and I knew it was impossible for her to forgive me when I myself cannot forgive myself. Seriously, it's not the way I wanted things to go but it did and I have to live with it. Maybe not for every single moment of my life but it'll always be at the back of my head staring at me when I recollect whenever I'm alone.

My wish for her? That she never has to go through what I put her through and I just truly want her to be happy. Closure is the first step so hopefully, my wish for her does come through. Australia is definitely a good place to start and she can get the ang moh dude she's always dreamt of. I really think it's what her parents want as well. HAHA!

As for me? I'm off to go see my dearest DARKY!!!! Been ages since I last saw her and I bet it's going to be a laughter filled couple of hours. Shit, I'm going to be late.

Valentine's

Life after you - Daughtry

Honestly, I didn't plan anything nor did I want to plan anything because to me, it's over rated. But the one thing that made me want to write about today, Rachel's text to me when she was on the way back to our place.

"You're the underlying reason to everything I do. There's not one day that goes by without me thinking of you, missing you. You really are the best part of me and without you, I know I wouldn't be okay. You're no longer a want baby, you're a Need. It's insane how much I love you and how sure I am that you are the man I want to marry and have kids with. No matter what, I know we can make it through anything as long as we have each other.You deserve only the best and I owe you so much more than a thank you. :) but thank you for everything. I love you baby! Happy Valentine's."

Tell me how do I every conceive the thought of leaving her? It's impossible and it's the little things that she does that just solidifies her place in my heart, my life. Just like her, I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else. And I will do anything and everything to keep her by my side.

Thank you God for placing her in my life.=)

Money Matters.

Stereo Love- Edward Maya feat. Alicia

Wah. Money can really be a bitch I tell you. And it's starting to cause my hair to grey and fall out in large amounts. Argh!

I need to get rid of my freaking broadband that costs me like $50 a month and like dad continously texts me asking if I passed mum the money. Oh god. I missed one month. ONE FREAKING MONTH!! Fair? I don't know. Apparently giving him a second chance is ok you know but me missing one fucking payment is a fucking huge deal. Annoying? You fucking bet. Haiz.

Room? umm.. We got a blanket and a pillow. Rina's being an angel again and just told us she want to pass us her COMPUTER!! NICEEEEE!!! But umm.. Space is a small issue. I'm getting used to this idea and things are moving along pretty well at this point. Every friday's clean the room day, thursday's laundry. I try to come back every night so Rachel never has to be alone here. Being alone here can take quite a toll and it's normally when I'm alone that I find myself here. Typing my life away.

I can't help but just wish things were different. That none of this had to happen. That if only I never was.. Ah fuck.. See what I mean by being alone can be quite a hassle. I pray no one close to me has to go through this. It's not any fun but I must say, I doing my best to take this positively and to find the brighter side to our times here.

This is where we begin. But I know it's definitely not where we'll end.=)

Fucking sian

Maybe I get frustrated too easily but honestly, sometimes it just feels she does things to get her way and then just drops it like she never said anything.

FUCKING ANNOYING. Ugh.

Time for bed. I have a lot more to say but just not the mood. Night.

CNY

Bass Down Low - The Cataracs

Fucking addicted to this song. Damn you Andy.

Anyways, the CNY holidays are here. Not bad except for the fact that there's nothing to fucking do! Thus, the officially hated holiday? CNY. PERIOD. I'm not a racist for sure but seriously, every fucking store on every corner closed? Then holiday for FUCK! Best part? everyone flocks to the freaking cinema. Yes, unless you're creativy or a romantic or a really good cook, there is actually nothing else to do here. It's the unfortunate truth. And me being my lazy self didn't bother cracking my head to figure out what Rach and I should do so we just headed out for a run. Yes, that's how we rebel. We're the most notorious activists you'll every meet. Heh! I suprise even myself with how lame I can get.

Felt that stupid homesick feeling yesterday. It lasted no more than a minute but it came to me and I didn't like it. Damn. I didn't think it'd set in so quickly. Not cool. The guys have been there throughout but honestly, I can't depend on them forever. We forgot to bring the gate key when we went out for our run yesterday and kinda made the owners come back to pass us the key. He really was pissed. Shit. It's not the same if this was family. It's with someone I'm not aquainted with. Fuck.

But I don't know. Why I am being such a baby? Honestly, there's Sam and so many other people out there that leave home to study and stuff. Maybe the reason to why you leave home matters? I want to believe otherwise. I need to. Because I don't think I'd like another homesick relapse.

The realistic optimist. This is the role I wanna play. Rach needs it and I DEFINITELY need this. Wish me luck.

Shack Tuesday.

Grenade - Bruno Mars

We woke up late today! Like wtf! Hahahaha! Rachel purposely took MC yesterday so like she wouldn't be late for work so as to not get marked down and here we were, up at 6.20. Nice. Heh! And how did we react? She turned to me, looked at me and just pouted. ADORABLE! I'm sorry but yes, that's how I felt. And we just started laughing crazy after that. Hmmm.. nonetheless, we took a cab and she got to work 30 mins late. I, of course, wasn't late but I just felt kinda bad because me oversleeping is probably the reason why she's even late.

Well the highlight of my day is this very sweet and thoughtful gesture demonstrated by Rach's sister in law. She simply passed her the deposit I paid for the room. In full. And even an extra $300 on top of it. I just can't comprehend this. As much as I think of it, I just can't get over the fact that someone can just support our cause without even knowing why we're doing this. Why we put ourselves into this position. But I'm thankful. SOO freaking thankful for their generousity. I just wish there was someway I could repay them for their kindness, I wish there was a way Rach and I could show our appreciation for all the people who have helped us tremendously during this tough period.

I get this feeling that sometimes people just look at us and think to themselves, how can this two just smile and go on with the days of their life so carefree. My friends, this is hardly the case. I live each day with thoughts and reasons to test why I even live each day the way I do. I can't even imagine what goes through her mind. But what I do know is that I've got too much to live for, too much to look forward to. I'm not going to look back and tell myself that I regret reliving my past to often to enjoy my present.

I like the way that sounded.

Bad day turn good.

Please don't go - Mike Posner

Bad day at work so all I wanted to do was run back home. No seriously. Run. HAHA!

It was an insane feeling but then I guess it's kinda impossible since like I gotta bring my wallet and everything back to my place so I just decided to be civil and head back home as a normal person would.

Got home to my love and she was being a lazy pig as usual. But today, she wanted to go jogging! So hey, not too bad I thought to myself. I'll still go running but as far as I would. How wrong I was. I barely broke a SWEAT! HAHAHA!

Looking at the way we're going, Rachel needs a lot of work. And since running is one of my all-time-quite-ok-at -doing things, I'm gonna help her. I just hope this collaboration is going to work out. Lol!

As for my space? I guess I'm getting used to it. Running around the estate kinda gave me a good feeling and I suppose I'll be doing it more often. I guess good things can come out from tough situations. You just gotta have a diamond right by your side.

Lash out.

I'm tired.

"Don't take it too seriously."

Seriously mum. Seriously!? I can't begin to explain the amount of anger and frustration I feel now. How does what my mum say like half the time even make sense to me. Or to anyone else for that matter. It doesn't. And the way she goes about saying things is on a level that even I cannot comprehend.

I'm afraid that her priorities lie somewhere where I'm not going to be happy.

It's fucked up for a son to say that but the more I listen to her reasons, the more I feel that the only person she's thinking about is herself. I've only been wanting to do what I think is right. And for very good reason, I feel that I'm failing miserably. My dad's starting to lose his weight on her opinions as well and I think he's just gonna step aside and see how this plays out.

Time.

That's something I've not been given. And it's not something that anyone's willing to give at this moment because what they want is change. Change that will make them feel at ease. Change that will put a smile on their face without holding back anything because there is no baggage to hold them back. Change is not going to come if you don't give it time. And even if there was change, nothing can erase what has happened. NOTHING.

Probably I feel so strongly about it because the event is recent. The feelings are still fresh in mind. If that's the case then fine, give me time and maybe, just maybe things might be different. But let me warn you, maybe is weak. It's a word that comes with no promise and commitment. It's simply a hope. And with what I've been through, I'm done with hope. So I'd advice you do the same.

I personally feel I've been abusing this blog. I write when I want to. I leave you on hiatus for god knows how long. And when things are shit again, I'm back here. Maybe I'm only acting the way I've been treated. Yep, it's that word again, maybe.

A Week's gone by.

Hey Soul Sister- Train

So week 1 has passed by and hey, I'm still here in Sembawang. That's a good start, I guess.

Well it was the best feeling when Anga and Vik insisted we have home cooked food. Like I don't why, but that thought just ,meant alot to me. Like I mean that's the basic thing you lack when you're not in your own home you know. Plus we're not really allowed to cook here so yeah, when they offered to pass us home cooked food, I just felt like tearing up. It's not something you expect from a friend and yet it come naturally for them. Sometimes blood isn't just about red liquid that run through your veins. My friends have thought me that.

Tash and Vas joined Rach and I for a movie. The Green Hornet. More like The Great waste of time. LOL! But yeah, Tash was insanely keen on watching it so I guess we all gave in to him. Rach and Vas fell asleep(no surprise there right?) and Tash and I both confessed that this was by far one of the dumbest movies we've ever watched. Heh! But for me, what was more important was that I was spending time with them. Even if it isn't everyone, it doesn't matter.

I know a WHOLE lot of people aren't happy with my decision to move out. But it's not like I wanted to. It's just something I have to do. Something temporary. At least I hope it is.

Rach and I finally got rid of the freaking bed frames that took up like HALF the room. It's more spacious now. And yes, more umm, like home?

Like What?!

Decode- Paramore

Hey! Yes, I'm back with an insane history and too much to say. Not gonna bother filling you up with all the details but basically, I moved out.

Yep, it's day four here in Sembawang and Rach and myself are living all by ourselves! It's fucking scary nonetheless but somehow, I know this will be good for us. It's a stage not many get to go through so in my heart and mind, I'm gonna keep this positive and somewhere down the road, hopefully this experience will serve me well.

I just feel really bad that Rach has to go through this because firstly, she's freaking young and secondly, she really doesn't deserve this after all she's been through. But I know more than anything, she needs me and that's exactly what I'm going to be doing. I'm gonna always be here for her.

Moving into a different environment is fucking crazy. I mean, I don't know. I thought my first place would be a house and or an apartment and not a room. But hey, the circumstances are such so whatever right? heh! I'm sure we'll pull through.