Priceless Experiences

Bastille- Pompei

So I'm in the plane on the way back home at the end of my month long stint in the States and it hits me, I just went to Phuket for the first time and experienced snow while in the US.

That's two pretty big things and for them to happen just before 2014 ends is simply splendid timing. But it's not over yet as there's still my trip to Bali, also for the first time, with Rachelyn.

Amazing. There really isn't another word to describe it. I've always told myself that I wanted to travel and I'm finally doing it. Just took a huge breath and it feels good.

So far 2014 has been good to me and all I'm doing is looking forward to 2015. It's gonna be a crazy ass year with heaps of commitments and goals to achieve for both Rachelyn and I but I believe we'll find a way to achieve them whilst building our relationship.

Yes, I've grown to quite like this girl. :)

A is for Artyyyy.

Iggas in Phuket!! 

There, this one la the girl I'm talking about. =)

Good Morning Lover.

I'm at a stage with Rachelyn that completely blows my mind. The level of which I think about her instantly sends me to Happyville and it looks like I'll be staying there for a while.

I'm amazed at so many of the things she does. Conversations are endless and we are always able to connect and speak about subjects form varying degrees. She constantly is able to surprise me with her perception and her opinions on the topics we are discussing.

It warms my heart to feel this way. In fact I'm pretty sure I've never felt this way about anyone I loved before her. This is scary to say but I'm head over heels for this girl to a level that I don't think I'll ever be happy if she left.

But I'm pretty damn sure she feels the same way too. 😁

She has this way if showing it that no one else comes close to. She's made me realise that I don't to hear the words. Her actions speaks way louder that those 3 words spoken.

She inspires me to be better and that is what I know I need in my life. I know I need her. :)  

Sleepless state of mind.

I can't for the life of me seem to be able to rest well the past 2 nights. I'm just really disappointed that I let someone else dictate how I should spend my time. I let myself be lead that someone who I believe I respect but I know I don't.

What of person does this make me. How have I been living this life?

These thoughts, these questions, they sicken me to my stomach but I cannot ignore them. Do I continue to just keep going and hoping for change or do I enforce it and not be able to look at myself in the mirror?

This life scares the living daylights out of me sometimes. And that makes me want to run. But then I ask, run where? To what?

Now that uncertainty daunts me even further.

Because I'm...

One month on and gosh am I happy! Of course we have our differences but honestly I feel they're the reason we need one another. Heh! Who would've thought right?

And they said what?

Remember how everyone told you it would feel soo much better if you actually shared how you feel.

I'll be the one to remind you that it rarely ever happens. Somehow you end up feeling even crappier now that you've placed it on someone else.
I'd like to say we're different but I'm not in the mood to dwell into that, too bad.

That fondly feeling

Heart that's filled with joy every time I know I've done something to make her day better. Even if that smile lasts for a mere 5 mins.

I'm very very fond of this girl and there is no denying it.

Nigel, get yourself together. No one likes a constantly sappy kinda love.

Let that part die.

Tried to go back to contacting a few people who owe me for past deeds and received a rude awakening. Guess there was indeed a very good reason I stayed away from talking to these people for such a long time.

Need to learn to understand that no all human beings care about the past. Not even if you never really asked for anything in return.

Oh well. Lesson Learnt and Moving On.

12 September 2014.

Hey,

I'm looking to make new memories and to meet what I hope to be my own happy ever after.

And this definitely feels like I'm taking a step in the right direction.

Good night Starry sky and thank you. :)

Weekend

The way I look forward to seeing, holding, touching and hearing her is just the way an overworked employee of a ruthless organisation looks forwad to the weekend. Heh.

She's my weekend :)

Why you gotta be so rude.

So it feels like the broken record going over and over again.

Maybe I will just have to cave in and decide that it would be impossible to ever get what I want.

Maybe this is my reason to just stop being who I am and to learn to be someone who need to see things in a different light altogether.

Ah fuck.

There, I said it

I said it and she said it back. Honestly, it felt like a dream. It really really did. She look beautiful and as I stared into her eyes I couldn't hold it back any longer.

It felt unreal to hear her say it. I'm actually still in denial.

I know deep inside that she isn't ready but who really is when it comes to love. We're just gonna take the leap and see how it goes from there.

Let's just hope she'd like to meet me half way.

Plan?

I don't know why, but tonight I feel lost. I feel my heart's missing something. My life's missing something.

Like it's something I've grown very comfortable to and I want it back.

I'm afraid of what it is. I'm afraid I want to go back to comfortable times. I know I was contented. I know I was focused. I know I had everything planned. But I also know that it led to no good in the end.

It begs me to wonder what life has in store for me whether there's even a plan at all.

Those 3 words.

I am constantly tempted to say them. There are soo many junctures I would've just let it all out but I know she's not ready.

Hell. Am I even ready? I mean I knowhow feel that way but am I in a place where I know I can be the person I want to be for her?

I don't know. All I do know is that she makes me happy and this is not something I'm gonna let go easily.

Ended off the semester on a HIGH!

Walk on by - Noosa

So I did pretty good! 4 Bs!! 2 plusses and 2 minuses but hey, in my books it's still pretty good!!

That has helped my GPA quite a bit and I'm really happy =)

Things with Rachelyn have been amazing. We've had those conversations which have got us thinking about us but overall, I know that the feelings which have washed over me with regards to her have been nothing short of bliss.

I'm not happy with my body but the break in for next semester will give me sometime to actually start exercising and try for Gold again. It would be quite an achievement for me to get it and put it back on my the sleeve of my uniform. Hate how it hasn't been there for the past two years. Pretty damn annoying.

So somehow I've been toying with the idea of leaving Singapore more and more as time goes by. Don't get me wrong, life is still pretty good but, there's just something about the conversations I have been having which have been pushing me towards that idea. Maybe I should get down to some serious researching on whether it is a viable option for me if and when I decide to leave the force.

Something to ponder about...

Waaaay Post Birthday.

London Grammar- Strong

Birthday was good. Quite a few surprises and hey, honestly one of the best birthdays I've had. Just enough time to spend with all those important people in my life :) I'd say that's just about right. Heh.

Disappointed myself a week later at a beach party but I'm working on it. I know I'm trying. I tried that night but obviously not hard enough. Must remember to eat. Can't keep going to these sessions without any food. I mean I obviously don't wanna give up drinking completely. But at the same I can't keep being irresponsible. And it's hard to find the balance because I just don't know where that damn line is.

Fuckin hell.

Someone I know had to put her pet down and I can't stop thinking about Nikki whether she's with Jakes. I've yet to dream of her and.. I don't know. It just doesn't feel.. right. I know that's weird and that I've been away from Nikki for soo long but.. Oh well..

I pray for those who have lost a loved one, any being that loved one may be, for the strength to pull through it. They're in a better place where they're smiling, happy and well taken care of. It may or may not be true but having thoughts of them happy makes it a little easier to deal with their absence.

There's a lot to be thankful for. Let's try to make sure we prevent the regret we now feel when we all eventually, yeah.

Pre Birthday 2014

Yep, that pretty much sums it up.

Besides the fact that I was Butter and DID NOT reach autopilot. Yes I say again, DID NOT! Hahaha!

More coming up later on and tomorrow! =)

Cheers!

Calm down Silly Boy

Today's the one month mark of getting to know her. It's been amazing and all I can say is that she still constantly blows me away.

I keep telling myself that this too quick. How can I be feeling this way at this stage? Its not suppose to happen this quickly. Or is it? Is this a bad thing? I don't know. Waaaay too many questions, never ever a straightforward answer. And you know how much I hate things I cannot rationalize. This is not rationale. Not one bit. But one thing is for sure, I know how I feel about her. And it's unmistakable. Question now is, where do I go from here.

I hate ignoring my emotions and there's soo much I wanna say but obviously I have to hold back. IT'S ONLY BEEN ONE MONTH NIGEL. WTF!!!

Ok ok chill. Calm down that racing heart of yours silly boy. Yeah, that's what she'd say :)

Comfort.

Latch - Disclosure

Had an amazing conversation. In fact we've been having quite a few and she pretty much has me totally hanging onto every word.

Yes, it's a pretty good feeling and I'm glad about the timing it happened. Yeah, well we're taking it a step at a time but right now, it's at a good place and I have no intentions of messing it up.

In other news, last paper. Lets just do it and get it over with. Plan is to work out like an idiot after this is all done so I won't have to look at the mirror and squirm. Also to stop allowing Tash to call me fatty. Haha! Yes, it's a TOTALLY legit reason :)))

Wish me luck! :)

Farewell Nikki.

Angel - Sam's Version

Today we bid someone who I know I've not been there for a long time. Nikki girl, I apologise I didn't say yes earlier. I apologise for not being there when you needed someone. Most of all, I'm sorry I couldn't prevent your early departure from this world.

You were indeed a beautiful creature. Misunderstood most times. I will never forget spending all those times lying down and speaking to you while you were under the bed. It was beautiful. You taught me that how to bring myself down any level to make someone feel better.

Thank you for all the smiles and joys you brought into this world even though you were here for such a short while. There is some comfort in knowing that you're up there with Jakey boy. He probably misses you a whole lot.

Take care darling.

What did you expect?

I don't know honestly. I went into this with no expectations. Went on a gut feeling. Well I may say that they conversations were great and they a were a big part that attracted me to this.

But meeting her was even better. The chemistry, the flow, it all worked. It all flowed. People might say that I'm jumping to conclusion about something that could be nothing. I'd tell them that this is different. I know it is.

Well yeah, just wanted to let that out somewhere. Stupid Tash is no where to be found. LOL.

Just when somehow you start to feel that miracles only happen in fairy tales and sappy love stories. Heh.

Moved.

A man who cares about other people's happiness way too much + happiness personified as Tigger + a giant cuddle bear = Nigel Gill

Never expected it but hey, I was moved.

And suddenly, it became even harder to focus on anyone else.

Thank you my lucky stars.

That good feeling.

Been a while since I was last inspired to write. Met someone last night who writes (and writes well, mind you) and I guess I got a little inspired.

While I was out last night and I said a lot of things. I think I wanna take this moment to be thankful. Thankful for where I am right now. Thankful for the people who have molded me to who I am today.

First off, my Mum. Its needless to say that I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. Thank you for always being soo selfless and for tolerating my insanely bad habits. I know I've been nothing but a nuisance but I want to let you know that you have taught me the meaning of unconditional love. Though I still working at it, hopefully one day I'll love as fiercely as you do.

To my brother, Shaun. We've had our ups and downs but you'll always be my brother. You've taught me how to forgive. You've taught me that even though it feels like there's no coming back from a falling out, we can and we will. Thank you for that.

My dad has taught me how to lookout for my family and how to ensure I do all can to ensure they never go hungry. Thanks dad for always providing for us.

My friends. How do I even start.

Tash, you've always been there for me through everything. I want you to know I'd do anything for you. I want you to be happy bro. You've taught me the lesson of how people who aren't blood related can still feel like they've been put in your life as family. It's like you're really my brother and I couldn't be more honoured to have you in my life.

Thurga and Paul, you two are my inspiration. You allow me to believe that are souls who are fated to meet each other, will. Like Tash, you guys have always been there for me and I cannot tell you how much I appreciate you for it. No words can describe it. I love you guys and I cannot wait for the day you get married. :)

Sam. Yes, we might not agree on many things but one thing we can agree on is that we cannot be happier that we're in each lives and at each other's sides. Though you're soo many miles away, you've never made it feel that way. I want you to know you've thought me how friends should treat each other. I have never really been a good friend to most people but I do what I can because of you. The way you care and show affection to me and all your friends is something that you should be proud of. Thank you.

The Exes. C'mon you had to know this was coming.

Sarrah, we had a tough tough time. But I want to thank you for all of it. Until today I will apologize for all that I've put you through but more than that, I want to thank you for who I am today. You taught me confidence. You made me realize I had a lot to appreciative of about myself and today,I cannot tell how much that means to me. Your growth inspires me to the same and I will continue to do so.

Rach. Rach Rach Rach. Haha! Everytime I think back to how we got to where we are today, I cannot help but allow my jaw to drop. It was an INSANE ride. But a good one nonetheless. From you, I've learned independence. I guess it's more from the experience we shared but that is my.biggest takeaway from our relationship. We too went through tough times and I guess that has molded us to be different people. Whether or not if it's for better or worse, I guess we'll see it soon enough. Just try to be safe will you. Heh.

To everyone else not mentioned, its not that you've not impacted me enough to make it up there but these are the people who I feel have taught me lessons which I depend heavily on as person. And that's all there is to it.

This feels good. It feels right. Nice. Haha! Right. Well I'm off. :)

A lot to catch up on...

It might be a turning point, it might not. I guess we'll just see how it goes.

Many lessons have been learnt but I haven't gotten to writing them yet. Maybe tomorrow or the day after. But I feel the positivity and I like it. =)

Refreshed

Today I met a friend of Shaun and Anais and it was pretty refreshing. I mean she didn't blow my mind or anything but she reminded me of what it was to meet someone free spirited. Her face lit up when she talked and she was alright with anything we did or drank that night.

Meet Aurelie. A bubbly girl who just loves cameras, travelling and food. Oh, and she REALLY loves New York. Haha! She kept talking about that place.

It's been a while since I wrote and I guess she inspired me. Kinda disappointed she's flying off soon but oh well. It is what it is. I guess God puts people like this in your life to remind of how good this life really is.

So hey, take a moment and ask yourself, do I deserve better? :)) Night!