just dance- lady gaga feat. colby

oh man.. it's here!! haha!

i'm finally freaking graduating ya'll!!

i mean, i'm probably not excited as most because it's only a diploma but hey, a graduation is a graduation!! well i'm gonna go get ready and i promise photos WILL be uploaded in the next post=) watch out for it!!

and i'm sorry i've not been blogging much. not much inspiration everytime i get on the computer.=(

out!

if today was your last day-nickleback

it affected me. i won't lie about that. alot of what you say affects me. this is the effect of two wonderful years spent with you. sometimes, i accidentally say your name because i'm soo used to it. it's a reflex. it's only a reflex. i'll make it thru.

today this song is more than appropriate to how i felt. i duno why. going out with rach was awesome. and receiving sarrah's message really made me think twice. too scary. tooo fucking scary. i was affected but then somehow this song came to my head and i just realized i need to get back to where i was and not back to where i was.

it's hard. but i can do it. i know i can. i felt something different today. i duno what it was but there was definitely something. and somehow i felt she felt it too. i just hope i do things right so that i dont put her thru the pain i did before. i'll change back. it's the least she deserves for all she's done. i need to do much more and i know.

well well, away from the emo stuff. ummm.. i'm get unhealthier. haha! i guess there's no running from it. this post is simply gonna be a rollercoaster. heh!

heck. i dont wanna fill this up with meaningless junk. what is super meaningful though is the lyrics to the song i'm listening to. here you guys go!=)

My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had, if today was your last day?
What if, what if, if today was your last day?

Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the price is always worth the fight
Every second counts 'cause there's no second try
So live like you're never living twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?

And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love if today was your last day?

If today was your last day
Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?
You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are

So do whatever it takes
'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life
Let nothing stand in your way
'Cause the hands of time are never on your side

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?

And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of
Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love if today was your last day?

Read the lyrics. Reflect on your own life. Bask in what you already accomplished.

sweet dreams you stars=)

Insomnia-Craig David

tried to but i can't sleep. on my mind? redemption.

i've been trying to be someone that i'm not. and yesterday it hit me hard. like bang. i don't know why but somehow i just felt i had to try doing what i did before i go into NS because that basically marks the end of my freedom. how childish can i get? seriously, my immaturity sickens me to my stomach. i thought i had to go out, try to be this cassanova and attract whoever i could so that i could get the feeling of being in control.

STUPIDEST FUCKING THING I HAVE EVER THOUGHT OF. PERIOD.

it's not who i am. it's NEVER been who i am. and i don't like the person i've become. i need to set myself straight. keep my sights on one and try to make things work with her. i need to come back. i need my balooned head to come back down to earth.

i'm sorry to those i've hurt and seriously, i know this counts for shit but yea, my heart goes out to those i've neglected or hurt in the process of this selfish excuse for freedom. i never wanted freedom, maybe all i wanted is to try to be someone who i thought i needed to be to just prove something to myself. UGH! i can't believe it even came to this really. damn.

i need to prove i can be better. tomorrow's a new day right?

my apologies especially to you. i've been a selfish ass and.. you can go ahead and write whatever you feel. i'm sorry for commenting on what you wrote. you have all the right too. i was thinking of myself, as usual. my heartfelt apology is right here, i just hope you accept it. you are the one of the nicest people i've met, i'll admit to that.

Beautiful - Colby O'Donis & Kardinal Offishall

don't hate the dealer, hate the game.

i don't know why but i just had that song playing in my head alot these past few days. hmmmm... have i got you wondering? haha!

well, i don't know why, but the past few days, i just felt myself distance! like from two main group of friends. the JBP gang and D. it's like soo freaking annoying but i promise things will change!

for JBP, plans were made, and i was barely there. many apologies. but seriously speaking, the plans were a little too last minute. but i'll do my best to work around them and make something happen the next time k? i seriously find me hating myself for not being able to get down to hanging with them and stuff because they're an awesome bunch!=) rini, ezwan, raidah, anil, ifah, nadiah, chanel and the other awesome peeps i've not mentioned!! if i've been an ass, I'M SOO SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!=)

i'm not sure the smiley there served it's true purpose. i'm gonna leave it there anyway. heh!

and D, i don't know why but i'm afraid to see you. i can't explain but maybe it's the fact you know things without me saying that freaks me out. it startled and even impressed me at first, but, i'm a little scared now. you're and awesome friend nonetheless. i need to talk and see you. i'll get down to it, eventually.

at the moment, i'm at that part where i feel life's going where i want it to but i know, i feel that there's soo much more i can do to make it that much better. i guess we'll see what happens.....

True perseverance will see you through it, it always has.

america's suiteheart- fall out boy

so i've not blogged in quite a while huh. there's quite alot to catch up on for example, the fantastic outing to East Coast Park with my buddies from the the birdpark! it was super super awesome and now i finally have pictures to upload!! yay!! hahaha! it was the first time i got to roller blade and so yea, it was really nice! i fell like 3 times but for all it was worth, it was worth it=) we played twister, had snacks and just laughed our asses off. nothing better than spending quality time with the people you care about is what i'd say. enjoy the pictures!!

Gearing up!

The iron skaters!! hahaah!!


The two who were my support!! thank you rai rai and ezwan!!


The awesomest birdpark part timers around!=) (chanel and nadiah missing though)
And another picturesque view for all=)

Also, a shout out to the KOP! fantabulous job against newcastle. let's hope arsenal can cause some problems for the devils and a few slip ups for the run-in to the title would be appreciated as well!

please don't leave me- pink

i don't freaking get it. i FINALLY get 12hours to sleep and i waste it ALL by staying up all night. and i know i'll be freaking busy the next few days and i still throw it away. there i go yawning again. dumbass. dumbass fuck i tell you. oh well...

yesterday was the 8th, wait, ummm.. yea, 8th day prayers for vik's dad. it was still a sad session but i think it's encouraging to still see not only relatives but loads of friends around as well. and there was pizza!!! so that was a HUGE plus!! haha!!

there was this particular moment when the smoke coming from the samrani (not sure if i spelt that right) engulfed the house. and it watched as vik dad's eldest sister teared as she mourned for him. and she continually told him to eat the food that was spread across the floor before his photo. i duno. i sorta stuck in my mind and yea, even after 8 days, tears do and probably will continue to fall. aunty prema did cry as well but still, the strength in the eyes were just, admirable.

and i guess i should started praying loudly more often because arsenal went on to freaking lose to man u. see what happens when you start to get lazy. haha!

well i guess i should start getting ready for work yea? i wonder if i'll faint. hmmm...

invaders must die- the prodigy

i was walking through a crowd of people coming off the same train i was traveling on when it my lame excuse of inspiration hit me. this is it. this is the land i've been born into and it's where i'l probably spend the rest of my life. walking through and against this madness is probably what i'm gonna have to live with for the rest of my miserable life. unless i get a car. hmmm... yea, it's never happening. hah!

ever wondered how it'll be if your whole world was turned around. and you had to change the way you lived, talked and maybe even walked! woah. i don't know why but i just feel like i want that now. more than i ever did before. i want to start a fresh somewhere and just create who i am all over again. something tells me that's the one way you find out who you truly are.

thats it. put yourself in a total foreign land in total solitude and just live life from there. whatever you choose to be is probably the way you want to be for the rest of your life.

by the way, this applies to adults above 20 only. heh! my mind boggles when i think of what i'd choose to be. hmmm.. nice.=)

a silent prayer for arsenal tonight. i've always admired your football and now more than ever, you need to silence the Devils. show them how hell really feels like. though i think liverpool already did pretty well in our last outing with them. HAHA!

breathe slow-alesha dixon

i met you and my heart began to race. we embrace and yes, i feel the emotion begin to race. i can't hold back and i hold you tighter, god, please tell me what this will be be after.

i ended up mind fucking myself by meeting her. i don't know why but once i see her face, my feeling just arise from god knows where. i don't understand which part of we'll never work out does my heart not understand. and this is coming at a point of time where i few other things in my head that i cannot stop from being there.

then comes the twist. i was really happy spending time with her. i truly was. but once it came to end, and we started to question what the hell we were doing, the night began to turn sour.

a part of me wants to just try. just go ahead and do everything i can to make things work. but i know that way i'm not gonna be very happy now am i. it's a mountain to climb and after coming down one, i guess everyone needs a rest?

the crescent moon stares at me like i've done wrong. i don't disagree.

break even- the script

another song i can't run away from. heh! anyways, i had a bad bad feeling at work today. i told it to raidah. i wanted to quit. i don't know if i was affected by what happened but i just felt i wanted to just leave.

maybe it's just feeling left over from the week before? i freaking hope it was monday blues. i was supposed to work tomorrow as well but yea, i decided that i wouldn't. i think i just need some rest and it'll all be fine. hmmmm... i gotta keep my head straight. there's soo many reasons to stay. i'm in the midst of getting the the BET made over and ummm.. i need to train izzah and...

who am i kidding. i'm only staying because you guys are there. and because the pay's too good to give up in this economy. haha!

i've been having trouble to sleep the pass few days. i just like force myself to get SUPER tired before i can finally shut my eyes. images pop in and it's hard to ignore them. thoughts run through and sometimes tears fall for no freaking apparent reason.

agh, i must have just got something in them.

Aerosmith- I don't wanna miss a thing

the day was perfect. look in one direction and you'll see the perfect blue sky with the fluffiest cloud and the breeze seemed to just caress your face with a slightly cooling tingle. turn around and your eyes behold an area crawling with onlooking people. an area that was cordoned off by police tape. you know it's never a good thing when a white piece of plastic is lying on floor.

i arrived at 4.10pm, almost 15mins after i received the call from tash. i arrived to the scene where aunty prema and muhes were weeping. i held back. i thought he might still be alive. i prayed as i made my way. i didn't want him to pass on. it was not his time.

but he did and there was nothing i could do. nothing anyone could do. i sat there and looked. tears began to fill my eyes. i felt sadness for vik. i felt sadness for muhes. but somehow, i felt anger at the same time. i am an emotional guy, i admit to that. i stood up, looked around and made a realization that i wasn't alone.

the investigation officer did what they needed to do and vik began to walk away. i straightened myself out and went to his side. andy, tash, dev, maddu, mohan, os, shahl and andy were all there for him. it was painful to see what he was going through. i tried soo freaking hard to hold back my tears and so did the rest. i know they did.

we waited for almost 5hours before the body was taken back to mortuary. within that time, the wailing from relatives and family members were distant and far in between. and to listen to them as they happened was unbearable. i'll admit that i myself did breakdown. some moments were just too overwhelming.

the moments i remember the most were the times when the breeze would just blow past and silence would just fill the air around me. it felt as though everything is alright. it's like God's way of saying, "Stop crying. It's my turn to take care of him."

when the body left, everyone worked like clockwork. the house was cleared within moments and the pictures were covered. we stayed the night through talking and reminisce about the past, trying hard to keep our minds off the situation that unfolded hours before. i came home, and all i did was think about the situation the love ones that were left behind had to face with. i began to start thinking what he was thinking about in those final moments. i began to think of things that he didn't think about. it saddened me and all i did was watch movies till my eyes finally shut.

when i finally came around, it was time for the funeral. alot of waiting for the body to arrive and when he finally did, a reception worthy of a rockstar, as many would say, was awaiting him. i helped to carry the casket up and down. tash was there as well because they needed people of equal height to help with the tranferring of the casket.

before the casket left, i placed a garland that thiya, a friend from jurong bird park, passed me to placed on him on behalf of her. as i placed it, i took a good look at him. i placed my hands together, paid my respects, prayed very hard that his soul would rest in peace and then made my way. it was a moment that was difficult for me. i turned to look at aunty prema and she was my strength. she thought me, just through the look on her face, that if she can be strong for her two sons and the rest of the family, why not me. my hat's off to her and my absolute admiration to her sons who throughout the whole ordeal acted the way any father would be proud of.

cremation. the scene of the casket becoming a victim of the incinerator was hard to bear for some who walked out the moment the casket disappeared from sight. i was among those people. moments of him came flashing through my head and all i wanted was for his soul to be at rest.

my heart goes out to all those affected by this tragedy. yes, we know it's not his time but let us all be there to pray and him know it's alright to cross over. for his soul to be at peace.

Aunty Prema, your strength during the ordeal is an inspiration to all who were present. and as your message said, we'll always be by your side. we're only a call away so please, never hesitate.

Muhes, know that no matter what the circumstance, what the reason, we'll all be here for you. you're never ever alone.

Vik, i know i've not been the best of your friends. i might not be the type to tell you everything that happens in my life and i do admit that. but i guess somehow, through all this, times we spent together hit me the hardest and i guess i really really do care about you and whatever you go through. i want you to be fine, i want you to always know that you're never alone. you got soo many sweet people around you like shahl, tash and thinesh who'll always be there for ya. and no matter how much i screw up, know that i'm always here. and i'll always be because you were the first person i ever considered and declared to be my best friend. till today, that hasn't changed.

mind at ease and i've said my peace. god bless you Uncle Yoges.

the fan going round and round in my room=)

i was trying hard to sleep. really i was. and suddenly i had the urge to blog. it's weird because normally i HAVE to think about what to write but this time, it actually came to me! haha!

that ultimate bittersweet moment.

i don't know why, but i just felt like i wanted to talk about it. and no, i can't state my bittersweet moment but i somehow feel that all of us would agree that missing something or someone, be it passed on or alive is something bittersweet.

it's the the highest form of bitter because you know you can't have it at that point of time but yet it's soo sweet because the fact that you actually miss it makes you feel that you really love or like or appreciate that thing or person. it makes you feel that you're more than just an object that wakes up every morning, goes to work/school, come back, have dinner and go to bed.

it makes you feel human. it makes me feel human. damn i need sleep. haha!

well well, i guess that's it for now.. so go ahead, i'd like you to take back what i said and every time you say that you miss, or feel that you miss something, think of it as the ultimate bittersweet moment. you'll get what i mean=)

*i look out the window this time and i see the the purple blue sky with no twinkle........

Blame it- Jamie Foxx ft. T-Pain

Sometimes i want to turn back, sometimes i wanna move on with another and sometimes, i just wanna let it all go..

i thought single life would be easy, and don't get me wrong, it is. but sometimes there are situations you face when you feel that if you were in a relationship, you might never have to face. maybe it's just me and my inability to say no. i want to, but i can't.

anyways, work the past few days has been good. i think we're really going somewhere with this Bird's Eye Tour Make Over thing. loads of fantastic ideas has bounced off everyone and i seriously see us making something out of all the effort we're putting into the project. i'd like to take this opportunity to thank anil, hafeez and julie for thier contributions to the project=)

let's hope it actually goes somewhere yea? it'll be cool to one day return to the bird park and see something which we created still there.

it'll be DAMN cool=)

Second Chance- Shinedown

"By the way, I made it through the day"

i don't know why, but somehow just that line speaks out to me. i just felt like a weird connection to it the moment i heard it. it's like telling me that no matter how much i screw up, fuck up or am unable to do something about a certain situation, i can still make it through the day. and the day after. and the day after that. unless i die, of course. now that would just be sad. haha!

so yea, moving on. i'm gonna go back to work at starbucks today!! i don't know why but the freaking words die die die die die keeps playing in my head. truth be told, i'm kinda scared. i've always been the type to be afraid of going back to something and not having it to be the way it used to be.

hmmm.. maybe that speaks about ALOT of other stuff too. just saying though. haha!

well let's see how it goes=) i'm a little excited. ok maybe not...

Gimme, gimme, gimme- Benny Benassi

i can choose to be at a cross road but i'd rather just stand at the sidewalk and see what happens.. something you told me last night opened my eyes and maybe it's time i choose my path.. i don't know.. maybe i just wanna bask in where i am right now?

So i'm down with the flu but that does not stop the show from going on so yesterday was Andy's BIG 20!! hahaha! the guy's finally out of the teen zone.. sad aint it? Zul was nice enough to get us a table at the pump room and there's where we celebrated it!!=)


it was nice to see everyone there again and yea, i hope you enjoyed your birthday bro! haha!! and the freaking board shorts we bought you! i better see you wearing them often k? heh!!

Pictures!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Birthday Boy!

The People

The Place=)

well well, i got nothing much to say today actually. loads of other stuff has happened but i'd rather keep that out of here=) haha! take care and sweet dreams you guys!=)

the stars were out but you were no where to be seen....

Maybe- Jay Sean

i need to be true to myself. i need to do what's right but my head's holding me back.

doing what's right is means i lose her forever. do i want that? there i go again, thinking of myself.

oh god, just make her realize i'm not worth it. it'll be easier that way. i'm sorry.

work tomorrow and i feel like i've rested enough! haha! still got a bad feeling that i'm gonna wake up late!! i gotta prove myself wrong.. c'mon nigel! you can do it! muahahahaha!!

anyways, few events passed so far. Muhes' pangguni was freaking awesome! that boy has got crazy guts and will power i tell you! kudos bro for making it and sorry for not attending your dinner thing!!

next up, my beautiful cousin's wedding! Sunitha's her name and yea, her wedding was more like a PARTY!!! i drank, and drank, and you guessed it, drank somemore!! she looked beautiful and her groom looked dashing in his tuxedo looking t-shirt and bermudas. yes, they're wedding had a beach theme. beat that people. i wore BERMUDAS to a wedding. the world is turning up side down i tell you. LOL!!

Last but not least, my awesome bro's birthday is today!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU HAIRY EXCUSE OF A MAN!!

yes, he's finally 18! (no more sneaking around for that smoke right bro?) haha! i bought him boxers because i felt it was the LEAST gay-est present to purchase, i hope.

here's pictures from the wedding!=) enjoy!

Angle of the how roughly how the wedding was..

Drinking brothers=)


My bro with the newly weds!


Myself with the newly weds!

the sound a woman informing passengers of the final boarding call for Philippines Flight...

so she went, with a short look and a wave..

and we looked as she left quite a legacy behind..

superwoman. that's what she'll always be remembered by me for..

i wish you all the best and i pray you find what you seek for back in your homeland..

good night and god bless you, Nerry.

Lollipop(Remix)- Lil' wayne ft. Francisco

things aren't as straight forward! every time i wanna be by myself, do what i want, i get pulled into something i might not be ready for. and being the selfish son of a gun that i am, i make no effort in resisting it... why do i know i must change but choose not to.

lots of funny things have been happening to me past few day, inclusive of the ball that smashed my face episode. first one, a guest come up to me to inquire about something. here's how the convo went.
Guest: What time is the 10 o'clock show?
Me: (Looks at him confused)
Guest(confidently): What TIME is the 10 o'clock show?
Me(tries FUCKING hard not to laugh): ummm.. (chuckles under breath).. 10am sir?
Guest: Oh..(looks at me bashfully).. where is it?

omg.. do not tell me that is not the fucking funniest thing! hahahha!! after he left, i looked at raidah and we laughed soo hard!! lol!!!

next happened today when a guest asked me about what he should do after visiting the Bird Park.
Guest: Vhat time snowcity close?
Me: Mondays not open
Guest: Ya i knowwww... Vhat thime is it closed?
Me: Uh.. 6pm..
Guest: Oh k good.. we can go see no?
Me: No sir it's closed..
Guest: (looks at me confused)

I SWEAR I SAID CLOSED THE EXACT WAY HE DID AND YET HE LOOKED AT ME CONFUSED.. WTF IS THAT ALL ABOUT?! but nonetheless, it was funny..

and then he goes onto ask if there's anything else he could do. ezwan stepped in and NEARLY says JOO instead of ZOO to spite the man but of course, being the 'nice' guy that he is, he hesistated. i saw it in his eyes. HE REALLY WANTED TO DO IT!!

i would have gone down laughing if he had. damn his niceness. and yea, the last one was a few moments ago when i told raidah that the san diego zoo is probably the best zoo in the world and she asked me where this zoo was. omg. i wanted to slap her right there but instead i just laughed my ass off. funny funny people i work with and i love them to death.

awesome bunch this folks i work with at the Bird Park and this post goes out to them. All of them=)


feeling that nights coming are gonna be starry ones. i hope...

Stayed at home all day. Went out at about 6 to play soccer. Played for a little while and yes you guessed it,

MY FACE GOT SMASHED BY THE BALL.

Correction, my NOSE got smashed by the ball!!!

omg, the pain was intolerable but yet i managed to carry on playing. The things adrenaline makes you do. haha!

Remember kids, if you see a flying ball, DODGE IT! or you may forever bear the consequence of having a crooked nose. heh!

who turned off the lights, starry sky?

America's Suitehearts- Fall Out Boy

i don't hate you. i never learn my lessons. i need to do what's right.

i just don't love you no more....

Yesterday rini and i met up for like a bestie day out kinda thing and it was freaking awesome!! like totally!! hahahah!!

we had heaps of fun and we were like chatting non-stop throughout!! omg, i think my jaw had a freaking good workout!! and yesterday was also like rini's day to try out stuff she never had a chance to do!! the list is as below:

1) Consume the awesomest chicken rice at block 925!
2) Take the sky ride at siloso
3) Ride the luge
4) Watch a sunset with someone else besides her family
5) Walk all the wat to Rasa Sentosa

and i'm sure that there'e more she could add on but yea, that's all that comes to mind.

after that i went over to my old (but still current store) Capital Towers!!!

i saw taufiq and of course, my one and only, BEN!! hahahah! ok, i read that over. sounds fucking gay. nvm. hahaha! it's the truth! so i caught up with taufiq for a little while and then dropped by Ben's place to just talk about stuff. it was a real mind opener. and i couldn't be happier to have heard his share and to know that he'll always will be there for me. Thanks bro! from the bottom of my heart, seriously.

well well, here's some of the picture's from yesterday, enjoy=)

Rini's First time up the Sky Ride!!

Location? Siloso Beach!!=)


AWWWW!! doesn't she look adorable? lol!!

And to end it all off, a picturesque view of the Siloso Bay....

Ahhh.. the night was beautiful too. Thank you starry sky....=)

Just Dance -Lady GaGa ft. Colby o'Donnis

i wanna move forward. i wanna move forward. i do, i do.

Today's fun run was like REALLY FUN!! but like super freaking wasted i could not enjoy it to the fullest because of my stupid freaking headache. ARGH!! damn stupid.

But from the bottom of my heart,

THANK YOU SOO MUCH FOR TOLERATING MY ANNOYING-NESS!!

haha! i don't even know if that's a real word. i doubt so. heh! well my team got last but i don't really care because it was awesome and it was fun! heh!

i wonder if i should go to the beach tomorrow. it's been sometime since i last went there. i miss long walks on the beach with my feet in the sand and someone to chat with beside me. maybe i'll try to annoy someone to join me. maybe....

good night starry sky and remember that there's always someone for everyone, always.

Dope Boys- The Game ft. Travis Barker

Happy April Fool's everyone!!

i'm sick today unfortunately and like it's such a disappointment because it's my only chance to prank everyone at work!! haiz.. oh well.. i guess there's always next year right? and there's no chance for me to prank anyone at all because i'm home all day!! argh!!

well i've got nothing much to say today actually.. except for the fact that i got pranked via sms and it was interesting.. haha! oh well.. i guess no matter what the medium, a prank is a prank so kudos to this person...

knowing me the way you do does not give you the right to take advantage of me...

i see thunder and lightning, maybe it's gonna be a bleak wednesday...

Right Round- Flo Rida

Not now but maybe in the future, i said. i'm selfish.

i don't love her, don't leave we can work. i'm selfish.

i wanna stay because i enjoy spending time with you. yes, i AM selfish.

i need to be away from myself. i'm soo tired of going through my emotional circus that i just wanna slip off the tight rope and fall to my end. i need to find an end to this mayhem.

my only obvious solution? National Service.

i felt a glimpse of my starry sky, or did i?

gives you hell- all american rejects

i dropped it. i let it go. it was following the sae pattern as before.
no hope in it. no believe. no reassurance that it'll be all okay.

scared and confused, i do not blame the other party. like i said before:
it's my time to suffer.

WRS soccer tournament today!! argh!! and we didn't even pass the damn group stages!! i hate this know!! argh!!! but oh well, i guess the other teams were WAAAAAAY too awesome. haha! at least i got a chance to win a few matched and even scored a few.

there was a this one fluke that was soo awesome!! left foot lob, skims the top netting and enters the top right corner!! nice nice! heh!

at least there's some positivity to losing. i actually feel reiyana and ain from pano are damn damn cool people. maybe i'm always give this persona of being stuck up. shit. i have that thing about me and i don't blame others for it. i pretend to have no confidence when actually i'm over confident. ahhh... it's just me...

and in the noon we had a little outdoor camp at sembawang with the kids from si ling primary! they were seriously adorable and i thoroughly enjoyed it! plus rini was there so yea, it was a plus. and tim and i were running the sand castling thing together and it was AWESOME!! the kids loved it! or i hope they did. no i don't care, THEY DID! haha!

after reading this post, i get a feeling that inside, i'm really messed up emotionally. like seriously. this post suddenly interests. plus it's the first time i blogged the moment i turned on my computer. re-instating my blog might not be such a bad idea after all.

looking out and i don't see that starry sky, i wonder...

nothingness of my room- unknown

fuck, i got myself into a hole i did not want to dig.
i'm losing it.
i'm not stable anymore.
i need to fucking get these thoughts out of my head.
why oh why do i have to be like this.

maybe this is the point of my life where i'm getting what i deserve. after all the good god has given me, it's about time that i suffer.
i deserve this.

Sooner or Later- N.E.R.D

i thought of it. i thought of you. and mostly, i thought of me.

it wasn't as bad as it was a few days ago. i see myself slowing gain composure. i'm sure. i need to move on and let you do your own thing. i can't be involved all the time.

but nonetheless, i'll always be a friends if you're ever in need of one. thank you for the memories.

today was a worthless day spent sleeping and lousy football. i hope it doesn't blow over to the match happening later. hell, i feel the pressure because winning this one would mean that the BPL title would be within our grasp!!!

c'mon lads, gimme something to cheer about!!!

i watched as fulham demolished manchester yesterday and you know what, i think i'm secretly a fulham fan as well. or maybe i just REALLY hate man u. hahaha!!!

have i mentioned yesterday was like a dream? thank you dear!!=)

I just had to add this in. Torres, be inspired and score two tonight.

let there be a rain of goals this starry night=)

Insomnia- Craig David

OH MY GOD!!!

hahaha! i just had to start that way because today, while taking the train back home, i saw it. yes, i saw a RAINBOW!!!!!

i know i sound fucking gay but after what i said yesterday, it's just too coincidental not to talk about. i was smiling like a fool on board the train. and i have to duly thank this old couple that realized it. and the best part, THEY SPOKE IN ENGLISH!! so i could totally hear the old lady say, "ey look! it's a rainbow."

i immediately like lowered my head and there it was. right after the clementi station. it was pointing 90 degrees up to the sky with a slight curve as it touched the sky. the colours were soo vibrant that i could different all the seven colours. yes, even indigo and violet.

it was beautiful. just like the day i had.

thank you soo much for it dear.=) you read my thoughts and made today possible. i couldn't be any happier.

starry sky, take care of that rainbow for me. it's special.

Mad- Neyo

Anger. Hatred. Angst. Disgust. Fed up. Finished.

i can't care anymore. stop nigel stop. why am i soo affected? tell me god. why can't i just make a decision and stick to it. it was easy at first. i was sure. i was steadfast. no remorse and i did it with pure conviction.

now, all i'm left with is a hollow chest. filled with nothing. a dark nothingness. no wait. there is something there. selfishness. wanting all that i can't have. you know, i don't wanna regret but i deserve it. i need to. or else i'll just keep ignoring it and it's gonna build up. i can't do this to anyone else. i need to pull away. or should i?

should i give it a chance? just how good it's gonna be i can never tell can i?

fuck. i think i'm burning up because there is someone out there that can treat her better than i can. god, my ego is unbelievable. my character is unbelievable.

i need to grow up.

today i experienced sunny rain=)

ummm.. it's cool for me because i've been wanting to see a rainbow for a long time. i still didn't get a chance to see one but still walking in the rain is pretty cool. i liked it loads=)

yesterday we had soccer practice at fico and it was awesome! too bad there aren't any photos. and yes, like my facebook comment, i was over the moon with my performance. it was good. REALLY GOOD! hahahah! really proud of myself that i was able to last for like an hour 45mins playing so yea=)

well i know i'm never gonna catch a rainbow anytime soon so here goes:

Awesome=)

have a good one starry sky...

Thinking of You- Kate Perry

finally. i see initiative. i see the need and some want to be with me. maybe she finally got it, maybe she's finally realizing that i'm not gonna put in all the effort to make it work or else it'll just be going back to square 1. oh well.

i liked it. i felt like this might be something different but something's bugging at me to not count my chicks before they hatch. something constantly nips at me to hold back and not put everything into it. getting tired before getting anything started is not a smart thing to do. oh well.

after a long time today i also got hurt and it just made me feel like, i don't know. maybe it's just today. i kinda looking forward to what tomorrow brings. oh well.

well i had 2 freaking tours today which was half awesome and half annoying because both tours kept making stops at random places to take PHOTOS!!! i don't get this stupid photo thing really.

(asks me stop in front of a tree)
Dad: ok boy boy stand there.
Boy: but got no bird what!!
Dad: nevermind, i never take photo of you yet. just stand there!!!

the boy stands there, dad takes the photo and this happens randomly as we tour. NEVER AT A NORMAL SPOT WHERE ALL THE BIRDS ARE!!!

two words come to mind for this guy. parenting genius. way to go to make you son feel special whereas for his daughters, he's snapping away like no tomorrow while the son just wanders off to entertain himself. sad ey?

moving on, i got a $10 from the second tour so that made things a little better i guess=) played soccer with guys and rach got discharged from the hospital so thank you god!!=)

a mediocre day for mediocre me. sweet.

keep on shinnin' starry sky.

Jai Ho- A R Rahman

i'm occupied, i'm looking forward, i'm ready. ok. maybe not. but i still wanna live the single life. i love how its going right now and maybe i just need to adapt to it.

adapt. how does one adapt when basically my whole world used to surround the fact that i sucumb to the needs of others. whether i still do it or not is a question i constantly ask myself without a response. my need to make people around me can comsume my inner most desires and maybe that's why i feel like i'm giving up soo much.

oh fuck. i've not shut my eyes for more than 10mins in 28hours. i strongly suggest ignoring whatever i wrote. i'm probably ranting utter nonsense.

i hate PCD's version of Jai Ho. I mean, it has quite a beat but they fuck up the pronounciation and i feel that just throws away the whole song altogether. just an opinion.

my last day with the rascals from Poi Ching primary today and it was still a disaster. every 5 mins i felt a sudden urge to strangle the pupils that i was taking under my care. scary.

but in the end it came down all ok and 6F, my class of course, came in second!! awesome guys! great job! freaky part was when they started asking for my number. yes you read that right, N-U-M-B-E-R!! these guys were freaking primary 6 and so confidently they just asked for our personal details. culture shock for me, seriously.

i passed them my email instead and we'll see how it goes from there.

thing i cant get over, THEY HAVE BETTER HANDPHONES THAN I DO!!!!!! wth. i'm even out-classed by 12 year olds. life of the rich and famous? sure.........

take me through this night starry sky........

Break Even- The Script

one night i came home, i sat down watched tv, and i thought. i didn't stop thinking till i found myself. the moral? i'm still thinking.

i dont get it what comes over me when i struck with both of you. i don't get how i can be confused yet soo sure at the same time. no wait scratch that freaking last line. i just fuckin confused. no true answer, no surety, no real judgement.

a complex bastard with only himself in mind. i need to move away. like i heard, 'it's not fair for any of us, it's just not fair.'

Question is, will i change?

Today was a change. a breath of fresh air. a within 5 mins of starting, my air suddenly turned stale and it became hard to breathe. i am a person with a goal of being a father before i die and heed me when i say,

KIDS IN PRIMARY SCHOOL ARE NOT WHO YOU THINK THEY ARE!!

They're not kids. no no no no no no NO! they're monsters from an inter-galactic dimension that reaches earth at 8am and terrorizes teachers all the way till 5pm before returning back to where ever they came from to create more HAVOC!!!

ok, maybe they're not all like that but yea, my experience today thought me that as i parent, i gotta instill some values into my kids because seriously, the kids of our present era? not exactly angels. i have never gone straight to bed after work before and this time, i did.

well angels or demons, i'm going back there tomorrow to show them who's boss! 7.30am sharp!

wish me luck starry sky=)

Heartless- Kanye West

as i lean closer my heart rate increases and all i see are the joyful pieces, how come its like that all the time? it doesn't who but once there, it rises up and bursts just like a flare. i just dont get my feelings and sometimes i just fall back on the fact the at we want different things.

most of all, i think its just me that wants it different. maybe it's the pressure of NS? maybe i'm just worried that i've not lived out my youth to its maximum potential? but isn't living life to its best mean that i am happy? am i happy?

oh fuck it, i have no feelings seriously, just like the songs, i soo damn fucking heartless.

4-1
Fernando Torres, Steven Gerard(Penalty), Fabio Aurielo, Andrea Dossena
Old Trafford

Need i say anymore? In 17 years, Manchester United has never suffered such a defeat. Moreover, by thier arch enemies, Liverpool. A night to remember, a victory that will go down in the history books.

It's never been better to be apart of the KOP=)

have a blessed night starry sky....

sober- pink

each line a drag, each post a stab. I wonder why i even face myself up to doing it.

it's weird, even though i'm soo sure i don't feel the same way i did before. yet, i when i cower back to my bed, i realise that everything's ok and i shouldn't feel this way.

think nigel think. what the heck is going through your mind when you step pass those lines. whatever i do, i better think fast or hearts are gonna shatter again. why oh why does the mind turn fickle at junctions that could mean go on or never again.

be positive. resort to wishful thinking. it's gonna be another long night.

my day was good though. met her =) played soccer =) and hopefully i'll get to meet the guys later. awesome!! i hope i can actually still make it for work. heh!

i'm out! sweet dreams starry sky=)

touched up my blog abit. it's the little things i do when i'm suffering from insomnia.

Finally got a day off tomorrow! i wonder how's it gonna be. and i wonder whether i'll continue writing tomorrow. well i guess i just gotta wait for tomorrow to come by no won't i? heh!

today's dinner with the gang was awesome! i was noisy as usual but somehow, i felt the feeling that i once had when i was at starbucks. another family? maybe. once again, we'll see how it goes.

procrastination is the object of subjectivity for me. whether i do or don't, i guess we'll have to see how my story unfolds yea?

good night starry sky.

broken strings- james morrison and nelly furtado

well when you finally want to vent all you have out.. how do you condense the the past few weeks of your life into a single entry?

or do you just say exactly what your heart feels now?

the point is that there is no point at all to begin to with. So why did i choose to do this in the first place?

because i need somewhere to say something and this is the first place i decided to find shelter.

every part of me is telling me that this is wrong and this is waaay to childish but fuck that, i'll do it anyways.

i want to change, i need to change. but my will is weak and my heart's turned to stone.

all i have is nothing and yet, all around me feel like i have everything.

i am not the man you think i am, i'm just me.

i'm sorry.